Eyes on the Hourglass

Day 4 - Insight

2011-10-26T05:26:00.001-04:00

I'm a control freak. Funny how I should say that when I've been so out of control when it comes to my food, but it's true. I = control freak.

Perhaps this is why I'm so stressed out with life lately (and have been eating to cope). I can't control aspects of my life and it's causing me more anxiety than I'd like to admit. I can't control family members conflicts, I can't control work and the changes that will come. I can't even control a new relationship and where it will go.

I'm so afraid that the stress and the anxiety will get worse rather than better in the future, and I'm so afraid I'll fall off the wagon again. I didn't binge on those butter tarts last night (other than that one that somehow entered my mouth), and I'm proud of that, but it wasn't easy. Stupid food and the pull it can have on me.

Anyway, perhaps I need to look at this differently. Perhaps I started thinking about dieting again because I can control the food that goes into my mouth unlike other things in my life right now. Perhaps dieting right now is exactly what I need to get me through this crazy time. Perhaps it's the help I've been looking for.

* Switching back to days (for my days off) *

Breakfast

Day 3 - Silly Tarts

2011-10-25T20:49:00.002-04:00

Well... I'm not perfect. I'm tired and my boss brought down a plate of butter tarts. Of all things people. One of my favourite foods! As you might have guessed I totally caved and had one. Here's hoping I can resist having more (there are still 4 on the plate saying eat me eat me), along with resisting the coffee cake that also came along with the tarts.

I have to learn though. There are going to be many foods that I come up against that I can't have. Well.... lets not say can't shall we. There are no 'bad' foods. Just bad portions right?! But you know what I mean. I do have what I call red light foods that really I should stay away from. French fries being one of them! They always seem to send me into a tail spin.

So here's to resisting those butter tarts and coffee cake and chowing down on the veggies and raspberries I brought with me instead. I can do this... afterall, losing weight is more important to me than a quick fix of tart.

* working nights*

Breakfast @ 4:45pm

2 eggs over hard
tiny bit of cheese and S&P (to put on eggs)
2 pc of bread with margarine (to make egg sandwich)

Snack @ 5:30pm (as I was still hungry - not good I know )

1 pc. of bread with peanut butter and jam

Drink @ 6:15pm (on the way to work)

Tim Horton's Steeped Tea - 2 sweetener, 3 milk

2nd Snack @ 8:00pm

evil butter tart
water

3rd Snack @ 10:00pm

12 oz of raspberries with splenda
water
veggies and ranch dip

Dinner @ 1:30am

Yves Brand meatless meatballs x4
Blue Menu - rice/soy bean concoction

Snack @ 5:00am

Cheerios and milk

Day 2

2011-10-24T17:55:00.006-04:00

I'm working nights tonight. I always find when I transition from days to nights hard food wise. I never know when to eat, how much to eat and what I'll feel like eating at 4am. It's hard.

I weighed myself today. I'm 251 pounds. Not happy about it, but the good news is I'm exactly the same weight I was in June! At least I didn't gain anymore between then and now, right? So that is something to be pleased about.

Here's my menu so far....

Breakfast @ 10am

2pc toast with PB and banana
1 cup bolthouse chai vitamin drink

Lunch @ 5pm (I had a nap between 10am and 5pm)

Subway - new veggie patty sub on flatbread - footlong (hoping it will hold me for awhile).
Nestea Zero

Drink Snack @ 6:30pm

Grande iced tazo chai from Starbucks (light ice and lactose free milk) - felt guilty after drinking it :(

Snack @ 11:15pm

Fresh raspberries - 12oz with splenda
Mixed veggies c/ ranch dip
Several cups of water

Dinner @ 4:15am

Green beans and Quinoa with margarine and S&P
Soup - Gardennay market vegetable blend

Snack #2 @ 8:30am

Bowl of honey nut cheerios with milk

Day 1 , Attempt number 495 291 098

2011-10-23T14:09:00.007-04:00

Today I feel this new found sense of control. I'm finally ready to care again and lose some weight that I've gained this year. Lets face it, 2011 has not been a good one for me. It's been rough and although there is drama in my life still (that I'd wish would go away), I'm ready to yell ENOUGH when it comes to how I've been handling it. Ultimately, I'm only hurting myself with my bad coping skills of filling my face with junk!

Since I stopped running and eating healthy this year, I've been feeling VERY sluggish. It's really bad. I'm 32 years old, and some days I feel like I'm 80. I know some of this has to do with my mood and diagnosis of depression and feeling low and wanting to hide my head in the sand (r/t drama and stress), but I'm not helping matters by picking the wrong foods to help fuel my body. I haven't exactly been putting in premium gas after all, and because of that, my mood has suffered.

So as one crazy fitness gal once said, I need to "stop the insanity" and take control of my life again.
Right now (as I said yesterday), I plan to just write down the food I've ate. I'm measuring some foods and not for others. I will get better as time goes on, but trust me, even this change right now of measuring some foods is HUGE for me. You may feel I'm eating too much when you read my menu and perhaps I will be for a little bit, but once again, as I go forward I hoping that will change too.

I will update this section as the day goes on, so here goes.....

Breakfast

2 eggs over hard with S&P
2 pc. wonder bread (invisible whole grain) with peanut butter and banana

Lunch

Corn with margarine and S&P
1/2 cup Quinoa
4 Yves brand meatless meatballs with diana sauce
1 cup Skim Milk
1 cup Bolthouse Farms - Vanilla Chai Tea

Dinner

Spaghetti (whole grain pasta, veggie ground round, and pasta sauce)
2 pc. bread (same as above) with margarine

Snack

banana
6 crackers with pieces of cheese
several glasses of water!
green beans with margarine and S&P

Exercise

I wrote one of my girlfriends setting a plan to start swimming twice a week starting in November.
walked around the block = 30 minutes

Wow.... am I ever fat!

2011-10-22T21:38:00.001-04:00

That's how I have been feeling lately.
tire around my waist, triple chin

FAT

It's horrible.

....and not good for the self esteem, let me tell ya.

Once again I let food comfort me during difficult times and now I'm back to square one folks.

How flipping depressing.

How many times must I ride this rollercoaster?

How many times must I fall off this wagon before I finally stay on?

It SUCKS I tell you.

SUCKS!!!!!!

Ugh, I wish I could get a handle on this food crud once and for all.

The good news is I suppose, that my motivation is starting to return (thank you Jesus!), and that is why I've returned to writing. I've decided that starting tomorrow I'll type out everything I put into my mouth and post it for the world to see. I need to...this insanity has to stop. I need some accountability and this blog is going to give it to me. I know that if I have to post what I eat for you to read, I will not have that burger and fries, or that breakfast sandwich, or chips or heeps of ice cream that I am so quick to eat as of late. Instead I'll want to tell you I'm eating healthy so I will. I might even cook more and share recipes with you once again. That was fun right? I might even tell you about how I got back into walking and running and swimming and yoga. That would be cool to hear about too, right?

Man I miss that girl. That energized girl who was not only an inspiration for herself, but others too. I'm ready to find her again. So join me as I do. Stick around folks. This chick is back and once again I plan to rock it.

Yum in my Tum

2011-08-07T08:42:00.003-04:00

These my friends are DELICIOUS!!!!

Dole Apple Cinnamon Fruit Crisp and Apple Pear Fruit Crisp

Thank you Dole for making a snack that's not only yummy but healthy too!

....and did you notice?

I even got in some whole grains when enjoying these little cups of wonderfulness!

Chaturanga Dandasana

2011-08-04T01:21:00.002-04:00

Thank you yoga for once again teaching me the importance of love, peace and balance, while also reminding me of the fact my arms are still limp pieces of spaghetti. Homework for this week, practice chaturanga dandasana -- daily. Even if it kills me.

Peace

2011-08-03T06:00:00.002-04:00

I feel like I'm at this interesting place in my life right now. After thinking and feeling so many emotions about one person for awhile now, I finally said good-bye, and I couldn't be more content with my decision. I had to. It was necessary --- for my own sanity. It's funny in this new social networking age that saying good-bye includes deleting ones profile from FB. As if writing a good-bye note, deleting phone numbers and e-mail addresses were not enough.

Since saying ta-ta (although the 'too nice' part of me did still say I'll be there if he truly needs me), I once again find myself pondering and self reflecting. Wondering why I feel the need to be nice to someone who so often disrespected and disappointed me. Reflecting on the reasons for my up and down emotions about a person I'm not entirely sure I truly 'liked' completely in the first place, but loved in a strange way at the same time.

It's weird really how you can be upset about being upset! Do I really care that much? Surprise! I guess I do.

Nonetheless, I know saying bye was the right decision for me. I want more from life. Stronger ties and stronger bonds along with an inner peace that I haven't felt in awhile.

Finally I feel as if a weight has been lifted (too bad it isn't an 85lb weight!). Yes, at times I am sad that he couldn't be what I wanted him to be or I couldn't be what he wanted (although I tried), but it is what it is. Such is life. I am allowing myself to feel so I don't end up hugging anymore empty ice cream containers (I've done that far too often in the past) , but as I feel I continue to be happy with my decision to move onward and upward and never look back. As my hot doctor friend reminded me recently.... we don't have eyes in the back of our head for a reason! So here's to moving on with life. Here's to continuing to find peace as I once again begin to focus on the most important person in my life -- myself and not on people who only deplete you of energy, hope or respect for yourself.

Today is your Day!

2011-07-27T22:53:00.001-04:00

Yoga, Swimming, Heat - Oh My!

2011-07-20T22:00:00.003-04:00

This past weekend I took off work and just took it easy. I wasn't feeling the greatest. My back was really hurting and I think I was in a bit of a funk. Thankfully I'm feeling better now and will be heading back to work tomorrow. Cross your fingers it will not be crazy!
Here's the update!
Food wise:

I wish I had better news. I'm still not doing that great. I'm still caving and choosing unhealthy easy options over healthy ones. I was doing well for a bit, but when my mood sank, my food choices went back to being bad. I'm hoping to change that once again going forward though so wish me luck! I have talked to a few friends about WW, and I might just end up doing it again, but still following the kind diet as much as I can too. I don't want to count anything at this point and time, but I think it's what I must do. Even if I eat healthy, I still need someone/something to tell me to stop eating....if you know what I mean. We'll see.... but I have a feeling I'll end up counting points in time.

Exercise wise:
A girlfriend and I swam some lengths together at her parent's pool. We were originally going to head to the local Rec Centre to do lane swimming there, but her parents have allowed us to use their pool for the summer, so we did that instead (and saved some $$$). Three lengths of their pool is one length of the 'Rec' pool. Lets just say I'm thankful we're starting out in the backyard!!!! Once again I've realized just how out of shape I am. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't horrible, but I will feel better going to the 'big' pool after I've conquered the little pool some more. I do love swimming. My heart rate was up, I was huffing and puffing and my muscles were working, but no sweating!!!!! YAYYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!

I'm also 3/4 they way done my intro to yoga class. It's been great fun, but I now realize I've been doing all the moves wrong! Butt and pelvis out when it should have been in, pressing with my palms when I should be pressing with my thumb and fingers.... ugh..... oh joy! Yoga = hard stuff! But like when I took it awhile ago (aka drop-in classes) I still find it relaxing and rejuvenating in the end so it's all good. Tonight I signed up for their Beginner 1 class which starts the first week of August and Runs until the end of september, so I'm looking forward to turning into more of a yogi as the weeks go by!

Other than that I'm just trying to stay out of the heat (which means no walking or running has been happening lately) We're in the middle of a crazy heat wave here in Southern Ontario. We've been above 30C for a few days now, but tomorrow they are calling for for record temps of 37-38C and with the humidity that will make it upward to 45-48C (which is 113-118F!!!!!!!) Bloody. Ass. HOT!!!!!! And some people still think we Canadians still live in igloos! HA-HA!!!! I think not!

Eat, Pray, Love

2011-07-09T00:04:00.008-04:00

Today was a great day. It started out with a 45min massage, followed by a great walk with friends and ended with a free yoga class down at the waterfront.

It was wonderful.

Yesterday was pretty awesome too. I had a lunch date with a friend and swam in her parent's backyard pool. And I do mean swim. I did the egg beater, front crawl etc, etc........ it was great despite developing a sunburn (which made for an interesting massage this morning!).

Going forward, my friend and I are going to try doing lane swimming together. I'm a bit nervous about it (as I'm pretty slow), but I do enjoy swimming, so I thought why not give it a try? -- again. I also am going to try to get out and walk more with my other friends..... so who knows, I might not need that gym membership after all. At least not until snow hits the ground again.

On the whole my mood has been good. I'm attempting to 'free my mind' and negative thoughts and deflect any negative energy or worries. It's not easy at times, but for the most part I'm doing pretty good. I'm still disappointed in outcomes of certain things, but I must remember that God has plans for me. I wish he would tell me what the heck those plans were already, but I guess I'll just continue doing what I'm doing and hopefully one day I'll know.

Right now I'm trying to find balance in my life. I'm trying to remain centred, happy, proud and most importantly at peace.

I'm eating (healthy mind you)

I'm praying

and I'm loving...

Okay well...two out of three ain't bad. Mind you I may not have romance love in my life right now *sigh*, but I sure do have friendship love, family love and even fur baby love! That's pretty damn good I'd say.

I must say I do love the memoir Eat, Pray, Love and just bought the movie (I read the book years ago, but I'll probably read it again very soon). I was excited when I recently found out though there was a follow up to her Eat, Pray, Love. It's called Committed. Although I think I probably will find that I connect more to the old 'I'm a mess, I need to find myself' Liz rather than the new 'in a relationship' Liz, I do hope I find it just as wonderful and can learn more lessons from her going forward.

Anyway, have a good weekend everyone! I'll have more to share on my return!

Freedom!

2011-07-07T11:57:00.002-04:00

Free your mind, and the rest will follow.

Not only a lyric from the great 1992 "En Vogue" Song, but also my new personal Mantra!

Namaste

2011-07-06T23:52:00.000-04:00

It sure felt great to say 'namaste' again tonight. It has been far too long. I had forgotten how great it makes me feel. How whole. How centred, How relaxed.

It was wonderful to get back into the studio and start practicing again. I'm so thankful that they had room in their intro class for me (since I only signed up two days ago and the first class was tonight).

I decided to take the studio's "intro to yoga" four week class this time. Although I've done drop in classes in the past, I thought if I was going to get back into it this time, I better start from the beginning. Learn the positions properly. Learn the background of yoga and go from there.

I loved it.

Yoga is definitely my kind of exercise and this time I plan to stick with it!

Can I go.....vegan?

2011-07-05T06:24:00.000-04:00

Okay, I have a feeling this "kind diet' thing is going to be harder than I thought.

Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
I know I'm already vegetarian, but can I really go vegan? Can I really give up eggs and dairy too?

Eggs - probably although I'll miss them. I think I could do it.
Milk - I pretty much already have (I drink almond milk mostly now, but still buy lactose free milk sometimes to switch it up a bit).

but cheese?

I LOVE cheese!!!!!!

Since taking probiotics and acidopholis cheese seems to be loving me back these days too. Why break up a great relationship when we're just starting to get along again?

Oh right... because I have to take probiotics and acidopholis to help digest it.

ugh....Still though.... this ain't going to be easy peeps. Just the thought of it makes me want to have a tantrum!

Either is switching from white breads to whole wheat. Something I should have done long ago, but just never really could because I hate the taste of whole wheat bread. I guess I'm going to have to suck it up and learn to love it. There has got to be one kind of whole wheat/whole grain bread I end up liking....right?

Anyway, I'm not going to quit being vegetarian and instantly become vegan overnight. This is going to be a very slow process for me. As I head that way however, I will be paying much more attention to portion sizes than I have been and cooking a lot more at home -- something I haven't really been doing in months!

So wish me luck as I start on this crazy new road. I think I'm going to need it!

Being kind to myself

2011-07-04T16:52:00.007-04:00

I'm still here. Amazing isn't it? ;-) The best part is so is my motivation!

The last few days have been a bit busy with family stuff, but I did manage to get out for a walk today. I do have to rest and nap as I prep for work tonight, but because it's a gorgeous 28C (82F) day here in southern ontario I didn't want to waste it entirely. I ended up walking an hour on the route, that in the past I have run. Even though I didn't run it this time, my high pace walk got my heart rate to 114 bpm and sweating like a beast, so my mission was still accomplished. My mission you ask? Well...

Burning f*ing calories of course!

....and lets face it. My fast walk probably is as fast as my slow run right about now!

Other than that, I've been reading this new book I picked up at Chapters the other day. I decided not to go with the 17 day diet book, but instead I'm reading "the kind diet" by Alicia Silverstone.
I'm not saying I'm going vegan or anything, but I feel this diet is better geared to a vegetarian and that is what I am....so here goes nothing. I'm yet again learning about the benefits of complex carbs, grains, beans and vegetables I can't really even pronounce the name of. Hopefully this time it will stick and I'll be making great healthy meals in no time, rather than running to the local drive thru which always seems to be my fall back when being 'bad'. Oh how I LOVE french fries! Let me tell you though. Much like the rest of my love life *sigh* They don't love me! As a result I gave them up entirely just like meat poultry, fish, coffee and pop about a month ago. Hopefully I can keep it up like I have with the rest.

Anyway, more on the exercise front. I also am looking at joining a gym. Something I haven't done in years. There is a small one across the road from me that I might try. It's called Anytime Fitness. A friend's husband goes there for only $30/month, so if I can get a deal like that....I'm in! I've realized that if I'm going to continue with my running, I have to do it indoors. I use the (crazy) changing weather patterns of Southern Ontario too often as an excuse. This way I could still workout no matter what.

In the meantime though, I've decided to start doing yoga again! I just signed up for a beginner four week yoga class that starts on wednesday! I'm very excited to get back at it. I'm also going to attend their free class they offer down at the local waterfront on friday evenings. It should be lovely.

So I'm feeling good and staying focused. Yes, I could be doing even more, but for now I'm happy where I am at and that's all that matters. I've just turned 32 and by 33 I hope to be around the same weight, energy and self confidence level that I was when I was 23. I'm giving myself a year to lose my unwanted pounds. I can do it peeps. I know I can. I just need to stay focused and not get derailed by life.

Me @ 23 in Ghana, West Africa having the time of my life
Weight at about 170lbs (I'm 5'11" remember)

Still on a roll.

2011-07-02T03:45:00.000-04:00

I went for a 30 minute walk today even though my ipod died and I had no music to listen to. I did an upper body workout with free weights
I did lunges down the hallway at work! I'm working nights and my clients are sleeping.... don't worry. :-)

Food wise, I've done well too, but I'm currently looking for a plan that will work for me. I gravitate towards just doing WW again, but as I say that... it kind of sucks the mojo right out of me. The thought of doing that program AGAIN, just is not appealing to me at the moment. I know it works, but still..... I think this time I'll try doing something else first and see how it goes.

I happened to catch about 10 min of a TV program today and saw them talking about the 17 day diet. It seems to be backed by the medical community, but I'll have to look into it more. You never know with 'diets' if they are truly good or not. It might be a good one to follow for safe/fast weight loss though so we'll see. I'm also going to check out myfitness pal as I've heard it's a good tool too. Who knows, maybe I could use both of them somehow together.

Regardless, right now, I'm just happy that I'm finally moving my butt again!

Hope Rising

2011-06-30T22:26:00.001-04:00

It's been a long time and as always when I'm away from blogging I'm usually sitting in front of the TV eating. Well....not entirely, but you get what I mean.

The last few months have been challenging. Details I will not share online, but the good news is that somehow out of disappointment and despair has come hope. A hope that the feelings I have been experiencing lately will pass and that I once again can start to focus on myself rather than others.

Today was the first time in a long time I felt motivated to watch what I eat and to exercise again. For awhile now I just haven't cared, and because of that my weight has only gone up! I have officially gained all my weight back plus 5 pounds. ugh.....

Oh well..... as my father says, it is what it is. Today is a new day. Although I didn't count points today, I know I was 'good'. I even went out for a run. Something I haven't done consistently if at all in eight months!

I do have this goal now that is in the back of my head that I'm hoping I can keep there.

60 in 6

Sixty pounds in six months.

I know that is a lot of weight and something I will not attain....but that is okay. Really 60 in 6 is just a way of saying to myself -- Sonya... kick some ass and lose as much weight as you can in the next six months. Stay focused and anything is possible.

I also have a goal to run the CIBC 'Run for the Cure' again in October. I missed running the PRIDE run because I stopped running am I'm out of shape. I'll be damned if I miss doing the cancer run too!

So here's to moving forward and leaving the past behind me. It's time I start feeling proud of myself again. It's time I start to feel confident again and happy. Are you with me people? I hope so!

Damn you scale!

2011-03-28T15:39:00.000-04:00

Well I finally stepped back into a WW office and weighed in. I'm not happy with my weight gain of course or the fact that I've pretty much gained all the weight I lost last year, but at least I went back and will hopefully not gain anymore. I'm not giving up though and I'm embracing the measuring cups yet again peeps.

I am still finding it hard to find my mojo these days, and even though my WI was on saturday, I actually didn't start tracking until today. I also haven't worked out really lately....but I did get groceries finally, so that's a good thing!

Mindset is a huge factor in my journey as in most people's journey I'm sure. I feel I'm getting there, but still struggle at times. Being alone and bored are still two factors that I find extremely difficult to tackle. As mentioned in previous posts, it's when I feel either of these that I usually gravitate a bit too much towards food. I do have things to do, but often I don't want to do them alone or I procrastinate on the things I could do. I then get bored because I'm not doing anything....lol.... Crazy I know. I still struggle with low mood sometimes which makes my motivation to do anything and procrastinating even worse. I have found that depending on what is going on in my life, my mood is greatly affected by it. More than I'd care to admit. Drugs are good, but only work so much. Usually this is all tied up with feelings of loneliness or disappointment and unfortunately, I still haven't learned how to comfort myself without food.

As I say this though, I'm not giving up on myself or my goals, and plan to push on. Even if it's the most pathetic push you've ever seen. I not only want to do this for myself now, but for Joelle -- my 10 month old filly. There will be a time when I can ride her when she's older, and I need to lose some weight so I don't break her back when it comes! Some weight restrictions I've seen with horses is 210lbs. I'm back up to 240lbs. Ugh.... I will get there again my friends. For the love of god, I'll get there!

I'll leave you with a picture of Joelle taken only a few days ago. Isn't she cute?

Joelle looking at the camera!

Baby Steps

2011-03-20T03:00:00.001-04:00

I'm currently working the graveyard shift. I usually get up at 4:30pm get washed and dressed, watch a bit of TV and head to work at about 6:15pm. Not last night though!

Yesterday I woke up at 3:15pm, did an hour workout using my two new wii videos/games which I mentioned in my previous post and then continued on with my regular routine. Woohooo!!!!! Finally my mojo is coming back!

I do like the games I bought, especially 'Just Dance 2'. That one I just felt like I was having fun in my living room dancing rather than actually working out. Of course this makes me more willing to give it a shot again! ;-) I ended up dancing to 6 songs (their turbo preprogramed workout), before switching to 'The biggest Loser Challenge" Wii game. It was also good, but can not be fooled as anything but a workout game. I felt the burn and did the workout for another 30 minutes. By the end I was glad it was over. Next time I might reverse the order, do the harder workout first, then end with dancing!
Food wise. I'm still not tracking, but I have made a promise to myself to eat a salad a day. Right now I'm just buying Dole ready made salad's from the grocery store. Hopefully in the future I can learn to be a bit more creative!
Anyway, that's where I'm at. Onward and upward, keeping my eye on the prize.

Look who it is!!!!

2011-03-19T08:28:00.001-04:00

Well hello there! I know....It's been far too long. I'm sorry. No excuse really other than the fact life got busy and I just didn't feel like writing. When you're sucking at the diet/exercise thing, writing on a weight loss blog seems pointless, you know?

So anyway, lets see what's been going on with me.......

The winter months have been extremely difficult. I mean, I love snow etc.... but I don't own a gym membership so my running went out the window. Yes, I could have sucked it up and ran outside, but I didn't. I'm a chicken. It's cold out there folks!!!! It was just too damn cold and I didn't want to spend a crazy amount of money I don't have on Running Room gear.

Sadly as I stopped exercising and began eating shit food again, I have gained back a lot of the weight I lost last year. Well.... most of it really. Yup, it TOTALLY sucks ass. I hate the fact I feel like I'm exactly where I was a year ago. How did I get back here? Oh right... I know. Ugh.

Just like a year ago though my motivation is starting to return and yesterday I started my spring training! That's right ladies and gents, after 4.5 months of couch potato-ness, I ran on thursday night! It's about bloody time!!!!!

I was so nervous about going out. I was scared I would suck and be reminded of how out of shape I am once again and how I let myself go for the billionth time. I think this is another reason why I put off running for so long. To my surprise though, I'm not starting back at square one like I thought I would. I actually ran for 24 minutes! Me. So. Happy. My friend and I who I ran with were cheering with glee. Sure we did 6s and 1s, but who cares? Now the key is to keep it up and run 3 times a week. I think that's doable. The weather here is getting nicer afterall.

On top of starting to run again, I also bought two new Wii workout games yesterday that my friend is addicted to (which has therefore helped her lose a bunch of inches and pounds off her weightline). One is the 'Biggest Loser Challenge' and the other one is 'Just Dance 2' -- here's hoping I love them to and can do them as often as my friend.

Food wise -- ugh. I'm still a member of WW, but have been literally flushing my money down the toilet as of late as I haven't been going. That has to change. I'm currently just trying to eat a salad a day (which is a huge improvement over the last few months) and then soon I'll get back to going to meetings. I have to although I really don't want to. I know I can't do it on my own though. Even if I eat healthy on my own I end up eating too much. I need a program that tells me when to stop eating for the day, and WW does that.

Anyway, so that's where I am. FATVILLE. I have faith things will change though and I'll get back to where I was. I can do it. I have before! ;-)

Lady Gaga - Born This Way (Audio)

2011-02-16T12:19:00.000-05:00

I'll get back there....

2011-01-27T01:09:00.004-05:00

I love this picture. It's from back in 2008 at my nephew's first birthday. I was around 210lbs. Look how happy I am! There are not many photos these days where I can look at them and think I look pretty. Sad but true. This picture though I think I am. ;-)
I'll get back there. I swear!

Just in case you thought you weren't

2011-01-27T00:51:00.000-05:00

Mojo

2011-01-23T14:56:00.001-05:00

It's been a long hard road to get back to how I was last year before christmas. I was focused, controlled, motivated and enthusiastic back then. Feelings I haven't felt in a couple months.

I feel my mojo is coming back though. Slowly, but it is. Funny enough TV watching has actually helped. Watching shows like the biggest loser and the new A&E show Heavy have helped greatly. They made me realize, I don't have a choice but to go forward. IF I don't, I know I'll gain this weight back and gain 50 pounds more. That is my reality.

Lately I feel I have been going backwards with regards to my weight loss and personal life. I have ate out a bit too much and I've opened a book that I thought was closed long ago with someone. ugh... weak moments do not result in good outcomes. January hasn't been the greatest month, and I am the first to admit that. I'm not motivating others or inspiring others like perhaps I once did and for the first time ever, I've thought about shutting down this blog. I'm not going to though, as this blog needs to see me finally succeed. I owe it that much. I know I have it in me to reach my goals related to weight loss, just like I had it in me to reach my goals to finish school, buy a house on my own, and even buy Joelle. I have it in me dammit! I just need to wrap my brain around the idea that I CAN do this. When watching HEAVY last night, the guy said something that struck a cord. He said something to the affect of, I don't let anything else get in my way of what I want, so why the hell do I let my weight? Good question!

I need to get back to exercising regularly and cooking more. These are what I'll work on going forward, and hopefully results will show on the scale. I want to be around the 200lb mark for my 32nd Birthday in June. I know I can do it if I just stay focused and keep my head in the game. I know I can, so it's about I did!

Pizza Anyone?

2011-01-14T19:53:00.001-05:00

I found this new product in the organic section at the grocery store recently. I thought what the hell, I'll try it. I need variety in my diet. I'm not usually a huge fan of prepackaged oven baked pizza, but this one is pretty good (and no they are not telling me to say that). I just needed to add some green and red pepper and some onion and Bam, I had myself a meal! I ate two pizzas for 12 points. Good Friday night treat and I can still say I stayed on program!

Weekly WI - Down 2.4lbs!

2011-01-13T21:07:00.001-05:00

My first week on the new program was a success. Woooohooooo!!!!!! This is even after attending a wedding where I ate whatever was served (including cake) and weighing in two days early!

I'm so pleased!!!!!!

If this is any indication of how the new program will work for me, I'm all for it!

Finally....

2011-01-09T19:17:00.002-05:00

I FINALLY weighed in.

I'm embarrassed to tell you that I have gained a crap load of weight.

New weight - 233.6lbs.

That is a 8.4 pound gain since November 25, 2010.

F*CK ME NOW

(maybe if you did I'd actually burn some more calories and lose some weight!).

Yes, I've ate so much I've now lost my 20lb milestone and my 15 pound milestone for that matter.

Sucks, sucks, sucks......

I think the same old thing happened that happens every time I fall off the wagon. I was tired (and this time sick) and lazy and started grabbing on the go to make it 'easier' on myself. Then Christmas happened and I lost my motivation. I just said to myself I'll get back on track 'later' and gave into the goodies and crap food - and lots of them!

The good news is, like I said before, I finally did enter a WW meeting and I've started learning the new program. Recalculating everything is a big pain in my behind, but it's a pain I'm willing to have at the moment. I need to have this pain! So far I'm loving the fact that veggies and fruit are zero points (minus a few exceptions apparently). Funny enough I've actually been craving them lately. HA-HA, that should tell ya how much I haven't been eating them in the last month!

Most of the things I use to eat have increased by only a point or two. Not too shabby considering my daily limit has also increased along with my weekly, so hopefully I'll be okay going forward. Are any of you who are still out there (who haven't given up on me) doing the WW new program? How do you find it?

I also plan to get back into running and exercising in general. I've been a total coach potato lately minus the regular routine and going and visiting Joelle. I was given the new Wii Fit for christmas and will be using it a lot in the future. My running buddy and I have also started planning days to get back together and start moving again (Hi running buddy - I know you're reading!) so I'm excited to move forward and shed the pounds I gained and reach my goal of 54 pounds lost by my birthday in June. Fingers crossed!

I might not have lost 27 pounds by december 31st - because I absolutely 100% self sabotaged myself.....ugh.... but I swear I'll do everything I can to make up for it and still reach my second goal.

So here's to resolutions (of sorts) and moving forward.

Cheers to all!

Happy Holidays

2010-12-29T13:44:00.001-05:00

So as you probably guessed I fell off the wagon instead of hanging on over the holidays.

I plan to WI tomorrow and get back at it - new program and all.

Until then, I'll leave you with a photo of Joelle and I that was taken today! I tower over her right now, but I'm sure it's not for long!!!!

Joelle - two days shy of being seven months old!

Totally not 'Weight' Related.....

2010-12-21T17:33:00.001-05:00

......but guess who just bought this gorgeous little filly?

Introducing Joelle!

She's a lot bigger now (pictures are when she's 5 days old) as she's 7 months old now. I need to take new photos when I go see her next, but she's gorgeous and this Mama couldn't be happier!

Still here....

2010-12-16T13:56:00.002-05:00

I'm still around folks. Still struggling but still around.

The good news is today I managed to fit into an outfit I haven't worn in probably over two years. I also now am able to fit into my jeans that have been artwork hanging from my wall since June. They are also a piece of clothing I couldn't fit into for over two years as well.

YAY!!!!!

This yet again reminds me not all victories are seen on the scale.

I now have a new pair of jeans hanging from my wall. Right now I can fit them over my hips, but I can't do them up. I promise you though, I will be able to very soon!

Jeans I can finally fit back into after over 2 years!

My next pair of jeans that I will soon be able to fit back into!

The F word

2010-12-08T10:46:00.007-05:00

I've been talking the talk, but not walking the walk.

Fucker!!!!

The good news is, I've been feeling fantastic (another F word!) lately. The best I have in years, and maybe this is why I'm not so desperate to shed these pounds like I once was. Now with that being said, I still want to, and need to for my health. It's just hard to find my motivation again when it has always been to 'feel better'. Now I have that! I do feel better. So much better, so why lose the weight now?

We all know why, but I'm just saying.....

So here's to counting points again and hopefully sticking to it. The new program is starting and I plan to follow it for real this time. It's going to be hard with XMAS goodies and all, but I have to stay focused. Something I keep saying I'm going to do, but haven't been since I was sick. Ugh.....

To those that didn't understand my doctors comments on my dating issues...lol...

1. Selling the car = selling yourself. I need to learn how to do this better like a car salesman! If I don't believe in my product, no one will!

2. Buying a gun to then go out and shoot the moose = I need to gather tools around dating, before I go out there and meet men because sadly at 31, I still have no clue what I'm doing. He was encouraging me to contact EAP which I have now done.

I guess you had to be there....lol.....

Advice from my Doc

2010-12-02T11:23:00.002-05:00

I went to my family MD today.

Apparently I need to collect some guns so I can shoot the moose or I need to sell the car better!

This all in relation to learning the tools of dating.

He makes me laugh.

A lot!

He's right though. I'm out of practice and have no clue how to navigate the dating world or sell myself.

The good news is I am feeling more positive these days and more like my old self. I haven't felt this great in years. I'm slowly beginning to like myself again. So progress has been made to some degree.

On the food front, I wish I could tell you guys that I got right back on the wagon after my last post, but I did not. It's taken me longer than I thought post sickness. With the new WW program launching though, I promise to get back at it and make my goal of 27 pounds come Dec 31st.

I did realize that my math was off in my post titled 27. Apparently I can't do simple math when sick.

If I lose 27 pounds by Dec 31, and if I lose another 27 pounds by my 32nd birthday on the 27th of June, I will have lost a total of 54 pounds.

I will not be at goal.

I'm okay with that though.

I'll still be 54 pounds lighter!!!!!

Add another 23.4 pounds to that number and I'll have lost 77.4 pounds.

Goal weight 170!

I knew 7 was a lucky number, but this is getting ridiculous!

I can do it. After all my doctor also said, you don't want to be at the pearly gates and regret not going after things you wanted.

I want this weight gone so I have to go after that new figure I want and keep focused.

I can and I will. I will not let you down.

I will not let myself down.

World AIDS Day

2010-12-01T11:05:00.003-05:00

"I don't think the world yet realizes the carnage that is to come. I don't think the world yet realizes the full, incomparable horror of AIDS, and its inexorable spread around the planet.”

- Stephen Lewis -

Please educate, motivate, and inspire on this WORLD AIDS DAY - DEC 1, 2010

In my almost 7 year career I have already witnessed over 100 die from HIV/AIDS. Sadly some individuals witness this in under a year!

27

2010-11-28T11:48:00.004-05:00

Well as suspected, my appetite didn't disappear for long. I ate an 11 point breakfast. How do I know that? I tracked, that's how! Since I've been sick, I must confess that I haven't been tracking. Add the fact I've had one too many poutines, I swore I'd get back on track whether I was feeling better or not.

I still feel pretty bad, weak and tired. My cough is still there and of course the nasal congestion, but I really don't want to use that as an excuse to eat crap any longer. I know I'll kick myself come thursday if I do.

So here's to eating less carbs and more fruit and veggies, and hopefully seeing another loss at the scale come WI!

My hope is that I can lose a total of 27 pounds by the end of this year. That is doable my friends, since I only have 5 more pounds to go to reach the 27 mark.

Then I was thinking that if I could lose another 27 pounds in the next 6 months, I'd pretty much be at my goal by my birthday on June 27th!

How fantastic of a gift would that be?

Now of course it would be even cooler to reach 'goal' sooner than that, but I do realize this journey has its ups and downs, and its taken me a long time to lose the weight I have, so I'm being realistic!

So here's to the number 27.

27 pounds lost by the end of 2010

and another.....

27 pounds lost by June 27th!!!!!

I can do this!!!!!

Sick or not.

Still Fighting this Cold

2010-11-27T10:33:00.004-05:00

Still fighting the good fight ladies and gents. I currently sound like a man and have a cough to boot.

SEXY!!!!

Cough medicine is working - sort of.

I ended up taking last night off work and tonight. Hopefully I'll be able to work tomorrow, but it's not looking too promising. We'll see though.

I've been watching lots of online tv on my laptop and surfing the web all while laying in bed. Technology (and my pillow) are my friends now and forever!

My appetite has started to disappear. I look in my cupboards and nothing is appealing. Funny enough though, I still crave melted cheese and french fries.

ps. Thanks for joining me on Twitter! I'm getting the hang of it. I don't know a lot of the short forms yet, but I'm slowly learning!

Tweet Tweet

2010-11-26T09:10:00.002-05:00

I finally decided to join Twitter.

My user name is eyesonthehglass (hourglass wouldn't fit!)

http://twitter.com/eyesonthehglass

Please feel free to follow me!

I'm sure I'll be tweeting lots in no time!

Progress Picture

2010-11-26T08:36:00.003-05:00

One of my best friends and I before she had to fly off to Australia (where she now lives). I miss her so much already.

November 19th. My weight - 225.8lbs
Now I weigh even less. Okay, well..... not by much, but still ;-)

Progress Picture #4

For all of my progress pictures, see the tab at the top of my blog.

WI Day

2010-11-25T17:05:00.000-05:00

I'll take it!

The Big C

2010-11-24T05:06:00.002-05:00

Nope, I'm not talking about the TV show. I'm not even talking about Cancer.

I'm talking about the common cold!

Sorry I've been absent more than usual lately. I'm currently fighting one with big red boxing gloves.

Round one = Vitamin C, Cold FX, Vick's Vaporub, H20 and a pillow

Round two = Halls Lozengers and Benylin Cold and Sinus

Round three = Buckley's gel caps (I HATE the liquid), and a Veggie Burger Combo from Burger King

Say what?

Yup... a combo from Burger King.

oh yeah.....

and a Harvey's Veggie Burger combo.... (thank god on different days).

Both combos I ate Poutine instead of just fries...or the wiser choice... a salad.

but really peeps...who the hell wants a salad when they are sick?

NOT ME!!!!

My thinking is that if someone can eat fish and call themselves a vegetarian. I can have the occasional poutine!!! Why? Because, that's why.

I wish I craved soup and liquids right now, gezzzzz, you think I would...but I don't have the flu. It's just a cold, and when I'm sick like this I crave comfort food and my comfort food is fast food.

STILL

UGH.......

It's all good though. I gave myself permission. I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I just have to be careful this doesn't spiral out of control. I've had two 'comfort' meals. That is enough.

It's back to my normal eats now.

...and more buckley's

No Race

2010-11-21T12:56:00.000-05:00

I didn't run today. I was suppose to. I paid my entrance fee and everything, but I didn't. I partly feel like a failure, but I know I made the right decision for me.

I haven't ran in about 3 weeks. It actually might be longer. As a result, I knew I wouldn't be able to run it like I would want to, I knew I'd probably be last again and I just didn't want to feel bad about it.

I'm finally starting to feel good again and I didn't need a bad run pulling me down.

Judge me if you will, but that's how it is.

I knew if I had a bad run, I'd be all bummed about it, and start feeling sad about it, rather than being happy that I was just out there doing it. I know myself too well and this is how it would go so I didn't go.

I do still plan to keep running. I will not give it up, but for now it will be with friends on own my own time. In the new year I'll pick a new race and share my results with you all.

I promise!

For now I know I did what is right for me.

Weekly WI :-)

2010-11-18T12:28:00.002-05:00

Look who lost more weight!!!!

AM WI

Phewwwww,

I was so worried all week I was going to screw up/self sabotage (again) and lose my 20 pound milestone. It didn't help I wasn't tracking like I should have been. I have been "careful" and sort of was counting in my head, but still...not good! Don't worry, I'm back to tracking online again now. It's too stressful when I don't!

I'm now only 2.4lbs away from my 10% - Wooohoooooo!!!

add the fact that hot doctor gave me a super nice compliment yesterday, life is GOOD!

...that or the pills are really working! ;-)

whatever it is, I'll take it!!!!!!!

Anyway, I ended up heading to the grocery store after my WI this morning (I went this AM, as I can't go at my usual time tonight) and then I came home and had some of these......

so good!!!!!

Say what? Potato chips? Oh yes, that's right my friends. I ate these puppies and didn't even feel guilty about it!!!! I might be the last on the planet to find them, but these are Kettle Brand "baked" salted potato chips. 170Cal, 4.5g Fat, 3g fibre, 4g protein for 30-32 chips aka 40g/serving.

They are worth searching for.

Total Yumminess!!!

GLEE - "Teenage Dream" Full Performance!

2010-11-15T20:31:00.000-05:00

This song (and this version) has been in my head ALL DAY!!!!

Listen and I bet it will soon be in yours!!! :-)

Weekend Report

2010-11-14T09:15:00.004-05:00

I took a peek at the scale this morning to make sure it was going in the right direction. It shows I'm down - even with my jammies on! Here's to another great 5 days until my next WI. I don't have many 'extra' weekly points left so it's going to be hard (as I work 12hr days on 3 of the 5 days), but I know I can do it.

I went geocaching yesterday with a friend. We did some easy caches in parks etc, and then ended up hiking to a cache through bush for about an hour. Of course we found the 'easy' way to the cache after we hiked the hard way, but oh well. It was a great workout and a lot of fun.

Not much on the program for today. I'm pretty tired still. I'm heading to a friend's church this morning to see her baby be dedicated. Then I'll head home and try to get some wonderful house work done. Wish me luck because I'm sure all I'm going to want to do is have a nap!

On the dude front....He called me last night three times in a row just after I told a friend he hadn't called. He left two messages on my answering machine (as I of course didn't answer) about our date today acting like nothing was wrong! I swear this guy is smoking something. As if I'm going to go out on a date with him now!!!! The third time he called I answered and got his friend on the other end. I told the friend to tell him not to call anymore that he called me at 4:30am and hung up on me when I was trying to be really nice while explaining that I have a life and other friends. The dude got upset at that fact already. Red Flag, Red Flag!!!!!! I told the friend I don't want to talk to him anymore. Here's hoping he'll pass along the message!

I wish I could just meet a nice normal man....that's single and not gay!

Anyway, I think it's time I eat some breakfast!

Enjoy your sunday everyone! I know I plan to!

No More Date

2010-11-13T05:32:00.002-05:00

Remember that guy that picked me up walking down the street?

Well, he called me on wednesday, so I tried calling him back on thursday, but his phone said he was 'unavailable' , then the same thing happened twice on friday.

This morning at 4:30am, (yes, I did just say 4:30am), he calls all upset at me, asking why I've been ignoring him and what was going on. He said he tried calling me 15 times etc...etc...etc....

Very insecure and Very Needy!

My best friend of 20+ years doesn't even call me at 4:30am!

This guy I've talked to once.

RIDICULOUS!!!!!

I explained I had tried to call, but still he just kept going on about it.

He went a little crazy.

He ended up hanging up on me after we spoke for 30 min, going around in circles...

It should have been the other way around!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say, the date is no longer going to happen.

It's for the best.

Trust me.

Red flags were showing up everywhere!!!!!!

Doc Wraps

2010-11-11T21:05:00.011-05:00

The hot doctor asked me to go out to lunch with him today.

What did I say?

Oh gezzzzz....

as if you didn't know.

Of course I said yes.

He still has a girlfriend....

*sigh*

Don't worry, I will always respect the girlfriend. I still know my place in his world.

He is a friend....or at least starting to be.

We had a chance to catch up as we haven't seen each other in awhile so that was really nice. He paid for my chai latte and I paid for his falafel wrap...

Did you catch the part where I said chai latte and falafel wrap?

I wouldn't say the meal was brutal, but it wasn't what I was planning to eat, I just ate whatever....

I totally caved for a boy.

*head down in shame*

There is an upside I suppose.

Although, I didn't eat a pita pit pita, it was similar, so I used the pita pit 'build a pita' feature on their website to give me some idea of how many points I ate. It calculated out to be 14 points.

That's a lot for one pita!

Add the chai latte into the mix, and it's a good thing I didn't have much of an appetite for the rest of the day!

Oh shit...what am I talking about? I forgot I ate two pieces of pizza at a union meeting.

ugh....

dammit!!!!!

Thank god for extra weekly points!!!!

Happy Remembrance Day Everyone!
Lest we forget.

Great WI!!!!

2010-11-10T10:54:00.004-05:00

I was going to post this later tonight, but I'm just too excited and have to share.

Look what happened at my WI this morning.

WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did it!!!!!

Despite my depressed mood of late, despite the fact I haven't been running like I should be, despite my crazy ass shift work and despite my ups and downs with food.

I DID IT!!!!!!

Me = So happy!

This is why we should never give up my friends!!!!!!!

I ended up going to an early morning meeting this morning as I work tomorrow and can not go to my normal meeting. The leader at this meeting was great. She was very enthusiastic (almost too much so for this non-morning person), and she was very welcoming and had great tips and advice. I've decided I'll keep going to her meeting now when I can't go to my own.

The girl that weighed me in though, I could have punched. So here I finally weigh in and lose 20lbs.

Do you know what she says to me?

Oh....

you're so close to your 10%.

yeah, thanks.

Remind me that I still have yet another 4 pounds to lose until I get to that milestone. Gezzzzz..... I just lose 20 lbs!!!!!!! Can we not just celebrate that? She did give me praise after the fact, but man.... I was not too impressed. Oh well, the leader made up for it and in her defence, she probably meant well.

I also got this funky charm at my meeting this morning as well.

16 week charm

Weight Watchers celebrates sticking with them for 16 weeks because studies show that anything you do for 16 weeks begins to become habit!

Anyway folks, I'm off to visit my sister and my niece for the day. I hope you have a good one. I know I will!

Sweater

2010-11-10T08:54:00.002-05:00

I had to laugh last night.

I went shopping with friends as I need some sweaters for the winter season. We ended up at Reitman's .

I saw a sweater in the plus size section that I really liked. The only thing is now I'm not a plus girl (YAY!). I'm now an XL. Okay well, minus that running room jacket I bought recently.

Do you think they had the same sweater in an XL in the non-plus section?

Nope.

For years I've been a plus girl, always seeing clothes in the 'regular' section that I wanted, but couldn't fit into and they didn't have bigger sizes.

Now I'm in that section and I like the plus stuff....

Lol.....always the way I tell ya!

Lesson learned - You always want what you can't have!

One Point Soup

2010-11-09T12:41:00.001-05:00

...and I'm not talking those nasty "smart one" soups!

This girl has never been a fan of those ones. Even when I did eat meat.

I recently found a soup at the grocery store that helps me get my 'greens' in and is super low in points.

How fantabulous is that? Oh that's right.... I just said fantabulous!

Fantastic and Fabulous all at the same time peeps.

The soup is Campbell's V8 Garden Broccoli soup. It's pretty good folks and worth a shot. It's one point per cup after all!!!!! I just added a little pepper to it and that's it.

Another soup to look out for is Campbell's Gardennay Market Vegetable Blend. This soup is 2 points for a cup, but is pretty hearty and very filling. I once again just added some pepper to it.

Enjoy!

Success is not just on the scale!

2010-11-08T21:05:00.002-05:00

Two tins of assorted chocolates

One large container of baklava

One box of cookies

One box of chocolate truffles

One large plate of banana bread

All these foods...

I did NOT eat!!!!

Even though they were staring me in the face ALL DAY at work!!!!!

Oh yes....

I rock!

Unexpected Surprises

2010-11-07T21:55:00.003-05:00

I have a date next sunday with a guy I met while walking down the street. Yup...literally walking down the street.

Church Street

a.k.a

centre of the gay community in Toronto!!!!

LOL.....

Don't worry, he's not gay!

This dude just started talking to me as I was enjoying my walk on my break from work. I thought he might be crazy, but then soon found out he's not (or hides it well). He worked his charm and picked me up. I let him.

I never say yes. I'm always too scared, but recently decided that, that has got to change. I need to take more chances. So today I said yes. Yes to a date with a nice man on sunday who asked me to give him a chance.

Right now it's weird, but I'm sort of proud of myself. Seems silly I know, but for a girl who too often has run scared, I didn't this time, and that just shows that my hard work is paying off.

I am changing - on the outside, along with the inside!

Zoglos

2010-11-06T17:52:00.005-04:00

First off, Zoglos has no idea I'm writing this. They didn't ask me to review anything, I just decided to share my feelings on a product I found at the grocery store!

I recently found out about the company Zoglos. I was shopping at my local grocery store and just so happened to find some of their products. I've been looking for new quick vegetarian meal ideas and I thought I'd give these a try. I honestly thought I might be wasting my money, but if you don't try it, you'll never know! I did like the fact they were very easy to cook in the oven or in the frying pan and they are a pretty good sore of protein, so I thought what the hell, lets try them! I ended up buying their Corn Cutlets, broccoli patties, mixed vegetable patties and their meatless mini loaves.

Zoglo's Corn Cutlets

So far I've tried the corn cutlets and their broccoli patties. The corn cutlets are my favourite by far, but I sort of accidentally burnt the broccoli patties when cooking them so I shouldn't judge them too much just yet. They are low in WW points after all!

Last Night's Meal

Last night (and tonight for that matter) I ended up cooking them up in a frying pan with a bit of EVOO. I ate them with a cup of minute rice and some roasted peppers and it came out to be a very satisfying meal. Very tasty and very filling.

I am happy to report I've managed to track for the 2nd day in a row. I truly am trying to keep my promise! I do have to admit though, I have gone over my daily points both days, but that's not a big deal. That's what those extra 35 points are there for, right?

I'm getting back on track folks. Slowly but surely I am!

WI plus more

2010-11-05T17:54:00.000-04:00

I'm fighting depression. The last two days it won. Today I think I did - a little. Today I got out of bed and went and weighed in. Look what happen......

How the hell did that happen?

Weight loss sure takes you on a crazy journey. I can't explain that weight loss at all. I'll take it though!!!! I'm definitely not where I want to be, and I wish I was one of those bloggers who can lose 100lbs in a year, but I'm not. This journey is super hard and it's going to be super long for me. The key is to just never give up - period.

I started using etools again today and promise that I will for the rest of the week. I still have lots of fresh food in the house so there isn't a reason I can't stay on plan.

Before

I'm trying to force myself to be active and social, but it hasn't been happening lately. As I've previously blogged about, I've been sleeping more than anything. I did get out today though and clean up my garden. I told myself I would on my days off and I finally did it. Thank god. I decided to do this instead of running. Of course I could have done both, but right now, one thing a day is enough.

After

I've been on my anti-depressent for a week now. No major changes yet as to be expected, except some nausea for about 2 hours after taking it. I was anticipating this though as when I researched the medication it stated that in clinical trials most people had the same side effect. Thankfully they also stated it went away after one week. Here's hoping mine does too!

Fatigue

2010-11-04T19:57:00.000-04:00

lately I feel like I'm in a competition with my 1 month old niece for who can sleep the most. I swear I'm winning.

So much so I missed my WI tonight.

Not good I know!

On a better note, I did have my massage and my hips do feel better. I'm hoping if I force myself out of bed long enough tomorrow that I'll go WI AND I'll go for a run.

Fingers crossed!

RMT

2010-11-02T01:57:00.002-04:00

I just booked a massage for 9:00am.

It's currently 2:00am

Got to love online booking

I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing though.

Probably a good thing despite the fact I work all night

okay, so work is easy right now

I'm blogging afterall

but still

I have to remain awake!

I'm glad I booked it though.

My thinking?

If I ran after working my last shift.....

I can surely lay on a table for an hour and get a massaged after this one!

My hips need it,

I need it

and

It will help me sleep better in the end.

Here's to massages!

Oh how I love thee!

I just ran

2010-11-01T09:05:00.003-04:00

I just ran.

I just ran after working a 12hr overnight shift.

I just ran when I didn't want to.

I just ran when I really, really didn't want to.

I just ran because I told myself I would.

why am I telling you this?

Because I am proud.

Proud of the fact I ran.

Proud of the fact I ran after working all night.

Proud of the fact I ran when I didn't want to.

Proud of the fact I ran when I really, really didn't want to.

and

Proud of the fact I ran when I told myself I would!!!!

Plans I can Handle

2010-11-01T01:49:00.003-04:00

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately where people are starting to make goals for the end of the year. Some want to work out so many times in the week or a month, while others want to lose X amount of weight in Y amount of time. Truly everyone is on the same page.

Everyone except me.

I'm all for goals (you all know this), but it's weird, for some reason I don't want to commit to goals such as these. Sure I've set goals like completing the couch to 5K program and did it. I even set goals to run 5Ks and have done that. So why are setting goal like wanting to work out more during the week and lose more weight by a certain time so hard for me? I still haven't figured it out completely. I think maybe it's because I've learned from the past that every time I do this I fail. The pressure is too much for me and I cave under the stress. Silly? Yup, but that's me I guess.

For now unlike the mounds of people in blogland, I have decided to do what's best for me. So my goal is to just stay on the wagon one day at a time. My goal is never to give up no matter how hard it gets. My goal is to simply lose weight.

In order to meet those goals I of course need to put plans in place. Plans to keep healthy food in the house, plans to WI every week. Plans to run with friends when I can. Plans I can handle. :-) Plans I rock at....okay well...sometimes.

I'm pleased to say I now have healthy food in my house and I've tracked on etools for the first time in about 2 weeks. I'm finally feeling back on track folks and I'm ready to move forward one day at a time!

Now, in other news, one of my close friends has decided to start her own blog. I'd love it if you would show her the same love you have shown me over the years. Please meet my friend Autumn over at Autumn does Life! She's beginning her own journey and has already inspired me in ways she'll never know! She's got goals peeps, and I have no doubt that she'll meet them!

Autumn and I before our CIBC Run for the Cure 5K race

My Neck, or lack there of...

2010-10-31T07:02:00.001-04:00

Jeppers....

How long is it going to take for me to get my neck back? I mean granted this is an absolute horrible picture of me, but look at that double chin. Dear god people! Where is my neck?

Dreadful!!!!

...and this one? Same thing? Sure the kid is cute, but once again there is no neck! Side profile - Not so sexy people!

So how many pounds will it take so I'm like this photo without the camera shooting down from above?
20 more? 40 more? 60 more?

I like this girl. This is the girl I'm fighting for. The girl with only one chin and this is why I will not give up. I will not let crap moods ruin my hard work going forward. I can not gain more weight. I will fight to the death to lose this weight and lose it once and for all!!!! Why? Because I want to like every picture that is taken of me not just stupid photos shot from above!

Chili Chill Chill

2010-10-30T08:49:00.003-04:00

I wrote this at 5am this morning......for me it's still friday regardless what the calendar/time says ;-)

Today I was suppose to weigh-in. I had planned to, but instead I spent the entire day in bed. Mostly because I went to bed late and was tired for yesterdays activities, but partly because I just wanted to.

I slept off and on until 7pm!

Thankfully, this isn't that big of a deal as I'm working the night shift right now so really 7:00pm, is my 7:00am!

The big deal is I forgot to bring my WW book with me to work so I could WI on my way home . Now it looks like I will not be weighing in this week as they are only open until noon on saturdays and saturday is my last official day to weigh-in this week. Oops. Sure I could go home and then go back out to the WW office, but lets be honest people, that's not going to happen. When I get home, I want to hit the hay and hit it hard.

Vegetarian Chili - looks a little watery here,
but it's not too bad in real life!

I was going to go to the grocery store after work, but I'm really tired now, so don't think I will. Thankfully I have some leftover homemade chili in my fridge that I made for a gathering I had last night. Yesterday I had about ten gals and their children at my house for our monthly potluck girl's night get together. Three of my friends have had babies in the last 5 months so it was a nice gathering to catch up and celebrate the little ones. I was in charge of the main dish ( as I was hosting) so I decided to make chili. Why? Who know....because I'm not a huge fan, (or I wasn't when I ate meat anyway).

The chili I made this time of course was vegetarian. It was a hard decision to make it this way as I'm the only vegetarian in the group, but I decided to make it anyway as I knew I'd have leftovers and I didn't want meat in my house that I wouldn't eat. Thankfully my meat loving friends really liked the chili regardless (or so they told me)!

Once again I found the recipe on allrecipe.com - canada (I LOVE this website!). The recipe is called (surprise, surprise) Vegetarian Chili. This chili was perfect for me, espcieally since I'm not a huge fan of spice. This chili had enough, but it wasn't over powering. The best part about this recipe. IT's super fast and super easy to make! You literally throw everything in a pot and let it simmer for an hour. How easy is that?

The only changes I made to the recipe were....

I added two cans of peach and cream corn (the small cans)
Added two red bell peppers.
I used veggie ground round as it called for hamburger-style crumbles - some of the reviewers used veggie burger patties, but I didn't want to. That just sounded nasty!
Veggie ground round was added 1/2 way through the simmering process as it takes less time to cook.

Fall flowers I bought for the party

I also did what those who made it before me recommended.... I topped the chili off with some ff sour cream and a bit of graded cheese. Oh. My. Goodness. Chili is sooooo much better with sour cream and cheese!!!!! I've never ate chili that way and I have to say it was damn good people!! I was so pleased. Mostly because I have a shit load of leftovers and if I didn't like it, then what? I think now I'll eat some more tomorrow and then freeze the rest. Then again I might just eat it for lunch and dinner for awhile until it's gone. I doubt I'll get sick of this one!

What's up Doc?

2010-10-27T20:59:00.002-04:00

Howdy folks....so, I went to see my doctor today and of course was a little weepy in the office.

Me = Loser

Okay, so of course I'm not, but I felt like one! I didn't plan on doing that of course, but my doc rocks, so whatever. At least it wasn't the ugly cry and at least he knows I'm not lying when I say I've been down lately! I spoke about how I've been feeling and because of my history of depression and binge eating when I do get low, we decided it was probably best to be on some happy pills for the time being - Pristiq 50mg once daily to be exact. This is a new med on the market (in Ontario anyway), that I actually am not familiar with, but side effects are suppose to be minimal, so that's a good thing. Hopefully it's a temp thing, but for now I know it's the right decision for me. Anything to make my 30s different from my 20s people! My 20s were the years I got fat and sad, my 30s are about reversing all the damage...on the inside and out!

I did speak to him about seeing a shrink as I said I would. It did take a lot for me to ask. Unfortunately, in my neck of the woods, there is a huge wait list to get to see one. Apparently I'm not the only one needing help these days! In a way it's good to know I'm not alone. He is still going to put in a referral for me of course, but in the meantime I think I'm going to seek out a counsellor on my own. The good news is that work has a program where it's free for me to see one. I just have to make the call. Yet again, it will be hard to do, but it's time to get things sorted out on the inside just as much as the outside!

Speaking of that, I really haven't been rocking the diet thing lately. This is the second week I've just kind of let my eating go. Not good I know, but now that I've seen the doc and have a plan for controlling my mood in the future, I do feel more in control. This of course will help me moving forward. Don't worry ladies and gents, I'll be back to inspiring that bejesus out of you soon!!!!!

Running I've still been doing, but my hips are still sore. I did have the Doc look at them and my ROM (range of motion) is good so he's not really concerned. He just thinks it is muscle related and because.... well......I'm out of shape and still new to this running thing, it could be I'm still doing too much too soon. Gezzzzzzz, how much more slow can I go?! He recommended doing some cycling which I was thinking about doing anyway. It would help to build up the muscle in my hips. He also recommended some aqua fit/water running stuff, so I'll give it a shot. The cycling more so than the swimming as getting to a pool is a lot harder than walking down the stairs to my basement were a stationary bike resides!

Anyway, I am starting to feel better folks, and plans and goals are starting to be formulated! You know I love a good goal. Here's to moving forward and here's to a happy and healthy future!

Cheers! :-)

Not Good

2010-10-26T03:08:00.002-04:00

Hi, I'm Debbie. Debbie Downer.....Okay, so I'm Sonya, but you get the point.

Guys....I'm not in a good head space right now. Yesterday after my run I came home and stayed in bed all day. Today was much of the same until I had to force myself to get up and ready for work. Yes, yet again, I'm working the lovely overnight shift.

Lately I don't have the energy or drive to do anything other than what is necessary. Activities I use to enjoy I don't anymore although funny enough, I've still stuck to running. I did have a good time at Wonderland with my family, but something is just off. I can't pinpoint it, but I just don't feel myself right now. I cancelled two dates with friends as I didn't want to go out, and I really don't feel like doing much in the future. My days off often involve me pushing myself to do anything. This is when I am thankful that I don't have dependents at home, although maybe they would distract me from my own self pity...who knows.

Work sucks, not necessarily because anything has majority changed, but because maybe I have. I don't enjoy it as much as I use to and I'm thinking of looking elsewhere. The type of work is getting to me and the commute is getting to me as well. The only problem is there are no full-time jobs available right now in my field (or at least in the area I want to work in). For a single girl with a mortgage to pay on top of other bills, I need full-time permanent hours. Right now, they are just not out there. In all honesty, I should be happy to be working right now, period.

Now the last time I felt low like this, I gained all the weight back I lost, and then gained another 50lbs in about 5 months…maybe quicker. I crawled into a hole and stayed there for awhile and ate and ate and ate feeling sorry for myself. PATHETIC!!!!! That was about three years ago. Right now my eating hasn't been good, but it still has been far better than those horrible days. Thank goodness! I am hoping that how I am feeling is just situational triggered by a bunch of things and I'll eventually snap out of it, but as I wrote about previously I've made an appointment with my family doctor anyway. No shame there....hell, if I had a stomach ache I'd try to fix it, so why not try to fix my brain the same way? I hate feeling this way. I should be thankful for everything I have, not holding my head down wishing I had what I don't. It's no way to live. It's ridiculous really. Things could be so much worse!!!!!

As a result, I think it's not only time I focused my energy on how many pounds and inches I've lost, but also on changing my views and thoughts about myself. As a result, I plan to ask to see a shrink. Yup, a shrink. I've been thinking about it for months and I think it's finally time. I need to do this for myself. To improve my self confidence, my self esteem, my own self worth. I need to do this to help love myself and to sort out things that have been holding me back in getting what I really want out of life. I'm nervous about it, but I'm ready. I'm hoping that he/she can help me change on the inside, as I continue to work on the outside. After all, if I don't work on everything all together, I fear the "hourglass figure" Sonya of the future will not stick and I really, really, really want her too!!!!

Katie Makkai - Pretty

2010-10-25T14:41:00.001-04:00

You will never be merely pretty!

5K on the Runway!

2010-10-24T14:54:00.009-04:00

Today I woke up and headed to the local airport to run my fourth ever 5K. My Mother was suppose to come with me as she signed up for the 1K walk, but she didn't end up making it as she unexpectedly had to go out of town.

The weather for the run this morning was wet, wet, wet. Mother nature surely didn't give a rats that I was running! I'm not going to lie, this one was VERY hard for me. I thought I had mentally prepared for rain (and I think I partly did), but I didn't realize how hard running a route that had NO hills would be. Holy Mother people. It kicked my behind in a big way!!!

I always curse hills. NEVER again! I do dislike going up them, but now I'll take a hilly 5K any day. Why...because what goes up, must come down...and I love running downhill! Running on a runway is super hard. It's flat people. Flat as a pancake. Add the fact that you have no where to hide from the the crazy elements you're totally vulnerable. Sure other runners might have thought this run was still a piece of cake, but I did not! This run was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.

I ran the first 20min fine and then I think I had a mini mental breakdown. There was so much negativity swimming around in my head. ugh....Not. Good! The same thing happened when I ran the Pride and Remembrance run by myself. I swear I am far better when I run races with buddies than when I run them by myself! I'm not sure if I took off too fast out of the gate, or walking for 8 hours yesterday, or eating shit food lately finally caught up with me, .but by the 20min mark I was toast. As a result, I ended up walking the route a lot more than I was expecting to after that. I really wanted to do 10s and 1s like I did at my last 5K (which worked out great!), but I just couldn't muster up the energy or the will to push on. I walked and jogged off and on the rest of the way to the finish line.

The good news is I finished the race just past the 40 min mark (Still a much better time than my first 5K and that one I ran the entire thing! Yup...I was S.L.O.W). I'm really happy about my time this time, because this means, I am capable of running under 40min in the right conditions, if I stuck to my 10s and 1s and don't have a mental breakdown! lol.... Sure it sucks that didn't happen this time, but whatever. I still got out there in the rain and did my best and that's all that matters!!!! This was a hard race for me, under hard conditions and I was just happy to finish. Next time I'm hoping for a nicer route and better weather so I will be able to finally say I ran a timed 5K under 40.

Here are some pictures I thought I'd share. Enjoy!

Not the greatest pic I know. Doesn't My father know to take pictures of fat gals on a down angle???!!!!!
Taken at my parents (as I had to pick up my Mom's pledges) before heading to the race.
Like my new gear?

At the airport
Cool to see some planes!

Getting ready to depart!

Wet, Wet, Wet!!!!!
Silly me didn't bring a hat....hey, I'm learning. Last time I didn't bring gloves, this time I did!
The girl behind me didn't though! ;-)

Still not sure I should call myself a Runner yet!

Sea of Umbrellas

Sad I wasn't under 40 minutes this time.....

....but happy to be done!!!!

Look what they had! A veggie burger!!!!

Wonderland

2010-10-23T23:52:00.002-04:00

Today I went to Canada's Wonderland with my sister, BIL, three year old nephew, and one month old niece. My nephew had a blast (as did his Aunt!)

I saw Charlie Brown, flew in a helicopter, and got to hang out with batman all day. Yup....I'd say today rocked.

The Helicopter ride

Inside the Helicopter

Charlie and Friends dressed up for Halloween!

My Nephew was to into the Charlie Brown show to look at the camera!

Batman is #1

The Bad and The Good (better to end on the positive!)

2010-10-22T21:50:00.013-04:00

The bad - I haven't blogged in 4 days

The good - I'm back

The bad - I'm struggling with food again

The good - I have not once thought of throwing in the towel completely

The bad - I gained 2.4lbs this week

The good - it could have been 7lbs like last time ;-)

The bad - I wanted to stay in bed all day today

The good - I didn't.

The bad - I feel like the pit of despair is attempting to suck me back in.

The good - I'm resisting with everything I got and even made a doctors appointment hoping for some help. Take that PIT!

The bad - I spent a shit load of money today - retail therapy?

The good - It was mostly on running gear!

The bad - I feel like an idiot in a running store as I have no clue what gear to get and why
The good - Running Room staff rock and were very helpful!

The bad - I only had one choice of jacket to buy at the running room and one colour choice because I needed an XXL.

The good - An XXL FIT! 16 pounds ago it probably wouldn't have. Plus the sleeves are long enough and at least the colour was burgundy, and not bright yellow!

The bad - the new XL long sleeve running room shirt I bought shows all my rolls as it's a bit too snug.

The good - No one will ever see it because I'll be wearing my snazzy new jacket over top of it. By spring I hope to be thinner so it will fit better!

The bad - I spend about $150.00 on new running shoes....ugh.....

The good - They ROCK!

The bad - I can't find my Nike+ sensor

The good - I didn't let that stop me from timing my run tonight. I used my ipod stopwatch instead (which I just realized it had!)

The bad - I can never join an "in store class/clinics" at the Running Room so I can meet new people.
The good - they have an online clinic so at least I can still interact with an instructor and learn the many secrets of running!

The bad - I'm still a slow runner

The good - I ran my long run route tonight in 29 min, 53 sec, when it usually takes me about 31min.

The bad - I'm running another 5K by myself on Sunday.
The good - 499+ strangers are also running a 5K on sunday so I actually might be faster than one of them! ;-)

The bad - It's suppose to rain on Sunday
The good - you know that jacket I just bought? It's waterproof!!!!!

pain in the........

2010-10-18T14:16:00.003-04:00

I think the pressure I'm putting on myself to lose this one pound is backfiring on me. I'm too stressed out about it and that's causing me to eat. When you have yummy left overs in the house, this is not a good thing.

Thanksgiving leftovers are evil people!!!! Soooooo good, but sooooooo evil! I really do fear a gain, but I know I've let it happen. I need to really just get back to my mantra of "one day at a time" and stop looking beyond that.

I did get out for my run last night with a friend and her family though. Running buddies rock! It was a great run, but about an hour later my hips started to hurt, and hurt bad. I took some ibuprofen and put some deep relief on them, but still the pain was making it so I couldn't sleep. Add that to the fact exercise always seems to wake me up so I go to bed later anyway and the fact I had a nap during the day, I didn't fall sleep until 6am! 6 AM PEOPLE!!!!! I was suppose to be at work at 7:00!!!!! Of course, I called into work and said I wasn't coming. I'm not proud of it, but there is no way I can function on no sleep.

I ended up waking up around 12:30pm, and now I'm still just resting in bed. My hips are still really sore. I hate that I get this bilateral hip pain after my runs. It seems to be happening more and more now that my speed is a bit faster - mind you not by much! I'm going to try using my foam roller again to see if that will help. I'm also wondering whether it's time to buy new shoes. Mine are a few years old, and although I didn't start wearing them regularly until this past March, maybe it's time. Mind you maybe it's just an excuse to buy a new pair! Either way I have to do more to control this hip pain I keep getting. I don't want it to derail my running efforts.

Speaking of running efforts, I signed up for the online 5K training program via the Running Room! I can't attend the in store sessions because of my schedule, so I decided to try out their web program. My hip pain is concerning because now I need to increase my running from 2 times a week (my average) to three! On top of this, my next 5K is on sunday! Ahhhhh, go away pain!!!!!

My Thanksgiving...a week late.

2010-10-17T13:30:00.008-04:00

I'm a bit afraid to say it, because I know you guys were cheering me on, but that lovely plan I had went down the toilet.

Friday after working my 12hr shift, I was exhausted (I have been sucking at taking my vitamins again and can feel the difference) I really tried to push myself to do something, but it wasn't happening. I ended up going to bed and as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out.

Yesterday I slept in (cause I needed it) and then cooked in the afternoon. It ended up taking me longer to cook everything, so I had no time to do anything with regards to exercise as I had to race over to my parents for our thanksgiving dinner.

Today however, I still do have my date with a friend and here's hoping I can burn some awesome calories.

I swear it's not burnt, it's just the spices on top!

My thanksgiving was wonderful. I ended up buying a tofurky feast from my local grocery store. It included the tofurky of course, along with some stuffing filled dumpling, vegetarian gravy and a tofurky wish bone! I followed the instructions on the box on how to make everything of course as it was my first time making tofurky. My tofurky turned out great! Now my Mother made the majority of the meal (which was all lovely), but I brought my own tofurky and a few other things. One of those other things was stuffing!!!!

Yummy Vegetarian Stuffing!

I found a vegetarian stuffing recipe online and really wanted to try it so I told my Mother I'd bring my own. I found the recipe on about.com. It's called Sweet Cranberry Vegetarian Stuffing. It was FANTASTIC!!!! I ended up using WW white bread and as WW bread is thinner than regular bread, I added more of it. I also used less celery than it asks for. (1.5 stalks rather than 2), as two seemed like too much for this girl. I did use the whole onion and garlic though, and ALL the spices along with the right amount of dried cranberries and apple juice of course. It was so good! I recommended it for everyone. Vegetarian or not. Stuffing is my favourite part of thanksgiving so I was one happy girl!

Now with my very first vegetarian thanksgiving over, as I said before, the rest of the week I'm going to have to be super careful as to what I choose to eat. Okay well, it's not necessarily what I eat, but how much I eat of it!!!! It's going to be tough as I'll be up at 5am and to bed around 10pm Monday to Wednesday (WI is thursday). My points don't really stretch that well sometimes, but I'm going to try my best! I really am trying to keep my eye on the prize. Lets hope my stomach cooperates!

Post thanksgiving dinner (which lets face it, I ate like a pig), I decided to weigh myself on my bathroom scale. I knew it would be bad, so when it showed I was down a pound I was shocked! Keep your fingers crossed it wasn't a fluke and I can keep it that way as I know weight gain can show up later.

Cheese

2010-10-16T12:16:00.007-04:00

OH NO.....

*head down in shame*

You know when you cut the mold off your brick of cheese and toss it away? Well my small green bin that I keep under my sink was air drying, so I put it on the counter and then cut new cheese for myself to eat. Then I made a sandwich including cheese. Then I ate my sandwich. Now my moldy piece of cheese is gone....

Oh dear god....

I ATE IT....

EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Nasty!!!!!!

So. Not. Cool!

How did I not notice I added the bad piece of cheese to my sandwich?

Wake the F**K up Sonya!!!!!

Pray for me that I'm not hugging a toilet in about an hour!!!!

That's what I get for eating cheese when really I shouldn't be at all

Damn cheese addiction!

HUNGRY!

2010-10-14T22:15:00.003-04:00

I didn't have enough protein today and I paid for it. I just couldn't get satisfied. I'm still hungry if I'm being honest. This is after two pieces of WW bread with peanut butter and honey and two pieces of raisin toast with honey AND a bunch of mini red potatoes... I know....so not nutritious at all, but I didn't feel like cooking and I was craving toast and potatoes so deal with it!

I ended up using some of my weekly points which I really didn't want to do. Those points were suppose to be for saturday's thanksgiving dinner. Oops!!!! Not good at all. Luckily my Mother is cooking thanksgiving this year and she's also on WW, so hopefully the dinner will not be too horrible in the calories department. Fingers crossed anyway!

My plan (to help ward off those pesky calories) is to go for a run tomorrow night although it looks like it is suppose to rain. If it does, I'll find some type of exercise to do indoors . I have a stationary bike in my basement after all! Saturday before dinner I plan to workout some more and then sunday I have a run planned with my friend. I'm hoping with the added exercise and if I can stay within my points (and not have a night like tonight) I'll be okay and finally be able to say that I lost 20 pounds. I really want to be able to tell you that!

So it looks like this week is not off to a great start being hungry all the time, but hopefully that will change. Must eat more protein!!!!! Must plan meals better!!!! Must lose one pound!!!!

Early WI - Zero Gained, Zero Lost

2010-10-13T15:09:00.000-04:00

Annoying!!!!! I was really hoping that the scale would move this week so I could finally say I've lost 20 pounds, but it wasn't in the cards. I'm a bit bummed about it of course. I tracked, worked out etc..etc.... so was really hoping, but the scale gods were not on my side. Okay, well maybe they were a bit, I could have gained after all, but still....I'm sure you know what I mean.

Moving Foward, I'm just going to keep doing what I've been doing and hopefully I'll have a great WI next thursday. My family is celebrating thanksgiving this saturday (as I worked all last weekend), so it's not going to be a easy one, but I really want to drop that one pound so I'm really going to try my best! Wish me luck!

5K just because.....

2010-10-10T22:46:00.006-04:00

I was inside all day working.

7:15am-7:15pm

I finally stepped outside after my shift and realized how gorgeous a night it was.

It was mild.

The stars were out.

and there was no crazy ass wind!

What did I decide to do?

RUN!

Tonight I ran 5K for the hell of it.

WTF?

Who am I?

Where's the real Sonya?

Where's the girl who has bitched and complained about running and having to get out there?

Is she gone?

Maybe...

Okay well....

For today!

I wanted to run tonight.

I saw a beautiful night and my first thought was I should run!

I didn't want to waste it.

This is when I realized......

Perhaps I truly am making a lifestyle change.

I ran because I WANTED to run.

(oh right, I said that!)

I will not give this up.

Run Sonya Run!

Busy in the Kitchen!

2010-10-09T19:24:00.003-04:00

First off, Happy Thanksgiving weekend to all my Canadian readers!!!! My family dinner has actually been planned for October 16th (next weekend), so tonight I made this instead......

I stole two recipes from the blog Weight Watcher Wannabe tonight.

I made Healthier Eggplant Parmesan and Weight Watcher Fudge!

I didn't have enough sauce to cover the 2nd layer, but it
matter in the end anyway

The Parmesan took awhile to make. Mostly because you have to lay every slice of eggplant on a rack and put kosher salt on them to get the 'bitterness' out for 30 minutes. After that you then have to bake each of the slices (after you dip them in egg and cover with breadcrumbs) for 7 minutes on each side. Then when you put it all together with the marinara sauce and cheese, you have to cook it again for around 35 minutes! -- freak'in long ass time in the kitchen! I really was crossing my fingers the whole time hoping this was all worth it. I was starving and if this dish didn't turn out I just wasted a lot of time. Well folks....I'm happy to say, it was worth it! It's a very good meal!

Didn't have quite enough for 24!

As for the WW Fudge. I followed what WW Wannabe said, except I couldn't find fat free condensed milk at my grocery store so I bought low fat instead. I also didn't know how many servings to make it (she doesn't say), so I poured the fudge into my 'mini' muffin tray that I just bought and it came out to 22 servings for 4 points (or so my WW recipe builder tells me). It's kind of high (I like to keep my treats to 2-3 points), but whatever, it's fudge.

The jury is still out on this one though. I don't know if it's because my portions are a bit more than what they are suppose to be or not, but these suckers are RICH!!!!! I honestly feel like I'm biting into one huge chocolate chip. I love sweet stuff, but this might be even too much for me! I guess this is a good thing though. There is no way I could have more than one at a time, if my life depended on it!

Bed Head?

2010-10-08T12:23:00.002-04:00

Nope. That's Runner's head! I went out this morning for a run and damn it was windy!!!!!!! The reason I didn't put my hair up was because well.....I can't. It's too short. The reason I didn't wear a hat? I'm a dumb ass! Okay, not really. What it comes down to is a) I'm not a fan of hats, and b) I had no idea it was that windy out!

As you can imagine this run was flipping hard. I was against the wind most of the route. I wanted to run for 40min, but was having a hard time after 30 so I just came home. I really have to start licking my finger and testing the wind before I start running!

Thursday Weigh in - Down 2.6lbs

2010-10-07T21:15:00.003-04:00

That's more like it! I'm officially in the 220s. 228.4lbs to be exact. YAHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
It feels great. Only one more pound to lose and I've hit 20 pounds lost, and only five more pounds to lose and I'll hit my 10% at WW!

19 pounds gone!

Emily and I - taken with Mac Photo Booth tonight
I thought I'd share this picture, because I simply love it!
Isn't she cute?!

Bean Curry Anyone?

2010-10-05T21:45:00.002-04:00

I really wish my camera was working because I wanted to 'show you' what I made yesterday, but this non-picture post will have to do. Stupid Camera!

I made Vegetable Bean Curry yesterday. I found it on allrecipes.com as I find most of my recipes these days. Since it was very well reviewed and totally vegetarian (actually vegan) I thought I'd give it a shot. The best part of making recipes like these is there is little measuring involved, it's quick and super easy! Right up my alley!

As I was making it, I was getting scared though, as I'm not a "super spicy" kind of girl and this recipe has a lot of curry in it along with cumin and cayenne pepper. I'm trying to branch out and try making new things though so I sucked it up and finished making it and ate some. To my surprise it didn't give the inside of my mouth 3rd degree burns and I actually thought it was really yummy!!!! YAY!

A few modifications I made were....

I cooked my lentils separately and added them at the end to the mixture as one reviewer stated to do.
My cans of beans were bigger than what they stated to use, but I just used the whole can of each anyway. Like hell, I'm going to waste any beans!
I ended up just adding a bit more water to compensate for the extra beans to ensure the concoction was moist enough.
I added 2/3cup of raisins rather than just a 1/2cup, but next time I might add a full cup. The raisins in this recipe are the best part!!!!
I also thought I had garlic in my fridge so didn't pick up any at the grocery store and then got home and didn't actually have any, so I didn't add that. I didn't miss it either.

Anyway...if you feel like trying something different give this one a try. I was pleasantly surprised. The first night I placed the bean curry on a bed of rice and ate it, but today I just ate it on it's own. I think I actually preferred it on it's own.

Just a tip though....you might not want to eat this on the same day as an egg salad sandwich like I did....lol..... it might make the tummy go into overdrive!

Just Because.....

2010-10-04T14:32:00.005-04:00

....this is the first photo (in a very, very long time) where I thought my ass was kind of scrumptious! :-)

Before my 5K run on October 3, 2010

of course I'm the gal in the brown sweater! I've always hated my bootie, despite others saying it's fantastic. I guess I was scarred a bit when a boy in high school called it a bubble butt. ugh... DAMN HIM!!!! Now that it's getting more toned though, I'm happy to report I'm liking it more and more. I can't wait until it gets even more appetizing!

Today I ran for my Mom!

2010-10-03T18:09:00.001-04:00

Today was a great day. I woke up at 6:45am did some yoga stretches, stuck on my gear and headed out the door. Soon after I picked up my Mother and we were on our way to the CIBC Run for the Cure!

I ran the 5K at a personal best of just under 40 minutes and my Mom walked the 1K. My friend ran the 5K as well ----> with a chest cold! It was her first 5K and she rocked it!

Last year I couldn't have run this race if my life depended on it. Last year I said never gain. I'm so proud that I took the time to train and was able to meet my goal. This race was special in so many ways!

Before the Race - it was a tad chilly!

My Mom and I - She got a special survivor t-shirt to wear (and a funky wig!)

The sea of people who raised over $500 000 for Breast Cancer Research!

The only running picture I have (Mom took a video that didn't really turn out that well at the finish line).
My friend's husband took this one. I'm the chick on the far right waving! lol.....

Dinner and a bit more....

2010-10-02T19:30:00.001-04:00

Wow...two posts in one day. What's going on????!!!!!

I just thought I'd stop by and post some pictures of my dinner for ya. I realize I haven't been doing that very often and thought I would tonight since I have the time. The meal I just had is super quick to prepare and very yummy. In my opinion anyway! It's not a casserole masterpiece, or any other type of awesome recipe. This is just a basic meal a single gal makes on a saturday night!

combination of red and green peppers, onion and eggplant.
Mixed with 2 tsp of EVOO and 2 tsp of Balsamic Vinegar and sprinkled with Club House Seasoning (see below!)

yummy vegetable seasoning for my veggies. I totally recommend buying it. You don't have to 'grill' vegetables to use this spice! (and club house didn't tell me to say that!)

Easy to prepare brown minute rice in a cup - hot in one minute! Told ya it's easy!

Chicken Nuggets? NOPE!!!!! They are Spinach Bites with three cheese from Veggie Patch.
Very Yummy!

All together now - YUM!
Veggies on a bed of rice with my spinach bites!

What did I have for dessert you ask? Why tofu of course. I need to get more protein in after all.....

I just found out about these. Two in a pack. Kind of an acquired taste to start, but now I love them!

In non-food news, when I was out shopping this afternoon I bought size 16 LONG Jeans from Old Navy. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!! ME SO HAPPY!!!!! I also tried on an XXL shirt and they are officially too big. I'm definitely an XL now.

How does it feel? Freak'in FANTASTIC!!!!!!!

Alone Again

2010-10-02T14:22:00.002-04:00

For the last 2.5 years, I have been living with my best friend. Prior to that I lived alone for 3 years and now I do again! My best friend moved out of my house yesterday. She now lives an hour away from me just north of Toronto. I'm of course very excited for her as she starts a new chapter in her life, but I'm also a bit sad too as I'll miss seeing her everyday.

I'm telling you this all because over the years I've realized that loneliness and boredom are two triggers for me. When I am either, I'm more likely to fall off the wagon. When I was living alone before, this was when I gained the majority of my weight. I did have periods where I was 'good' and lost weight in the past (you long time readers know that!), but the weight would just come back when either of these feelings would occur....that, or stress! Of course there were other factors involved too that contributed to my weight gain, but loneliness and boredom played their part for sure.

Going forward I'm really going to try not to give into either of these feelings. Things are different in my world now. I have a better support system, I have a larger social circle, and I'm happier. I will not allow myself to 'go back there' to feelings of depression and self-pity simply because I'm alone. I plan to live my best life in my 30s and if I give into those feelings I'm only living the opposite.

Thankfully to tackle the boredom, I've decided to do some decorating around my place. I fell out of decorating mode awhile ago, but with Cookie (the bff) gone, it's now come back as I have an empty room to work on.

Cookie's old room is currently a wonderful shade of sunshine sponge painted yellow. Even the ceiling is sponge painted! Oh yes, I said the ceiling! To add to that they put stars and moons on the ceiling (which they actually sponge painted over!) and there is a lovely navy blue stars and moons border! Very 1990s for sure! Now of course Cookie didn't do this. It was this way when I bought the place, but she like I, just didn't have the energy to do the work to remove it. That is until now! It's going to take some work, but I'm up for the challenge. I'm not exactly sure what the colour scheme will be, but I can assure you it will be nothing like the current colours!

I also have a wonderful office to work on as well. The yellow colour is in that room too, but this time the sponge paint is forrest green! Oh, I must not forget to tell you about the flower brownish colour border! YUMMY!!!! I already have the colour picked out for this room, but you'll have to keep reading in the future to find out!

Needless to say, I have a few projects to keep me busy so I will not be bored. I'm also going to attempt to make several social outing with friends so I don't get lonely. At some point I want to 'get out there' and start dating again, but when the last guy said to me...."oh a girl with glasses and curves, just thinking about it makes me hard" it doesn't give a girl a lot of hope that there are still true gentlemen out there!!!! There's got to me though. Fingers crossed anyway.

Cancer

2010-10-01T14:36:00.005-04:00

Happy Breast Cancer Awareness Month Everyone!

Did you know that breast cancer continues to be the most common cancer among Canadian women?

Did you know that in 2010, an estimated 23,200 women in Canada will be diagnosed with breast cancer, an increase of (500) from 2009? On average, 445 Canadian women will be diagnosed with breast cancer every week.

Did you know....

◦6,600 breast cancer cases diagnosed in women 70+

◦5, 800 breast cancer cases diagnosed in women 60-69

◦6,200 breast cancer cases diagnosed in women 50-59

◦3, 500 breast cancer cases diagnosed in women 40-49

◦950 breast cancer cases diagnosed in women under the age of 40

Also, did you know that in 2010, an estimated 180 men in Canada will be diagnosed with breast cancer? (all facts taken from the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation website)

--------

I never thought to put this on my blog, but since I was asked if I was taking donations in a comment I though would post it.

If you care to donate to either 5K I will be running this month. You can find the links below.

Once again I will be running the "CIBC Run for the Cure" this October 3, 2010 in support of the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. Who am I running for????? -----------> My Mom!

You can donate here if you wish.

On October 24, 2010 I will be running the "5K on the Runway" in support of the Hearth Place Cancer Centre which provides support and services to all people coping with cancer.

If you would like to donate to this cause send me your e-mail address and I can send you the link to the Runningroom donation page. I've tried a few times to have it link up here, but it doesn't seem to be working! ugh....

If you do decide to support this cause that is close to my heart, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Thursday Weigh in - Down 0.6lbs

2010-09-30T22:24:00.000-04:00

Another small loss, but a loss nonetheless and I'm happy about that. I'm hoping by week 16 to be 20lbs lighter. It's totally doable. It's only 3.6 pounds in three weeks that I would need to lose. I know I can do it and I'm actually excited about it. I can't wait to lose more weight!

What's going to help me kick this weight? Running that's what! As a result I've decided to sign up for another 5K. Woot Woot!!!!! I'll be running the "5K on the Runway" in support of Hearth Place Cancer Centre on October 24th. This is the Cancer centre that my Mother had (and continues) to find support at. They have wonderful programs for people with cancer along with cancer survivors like my Mom.

It's the first time the local airport has hosted such an event and it sounds like it could be a lot of fun. I missed running the 5K at Pearson Airport this summer (which would have been awesome) so I don't want to miss this one. I will not get to see 747 airplanes taking off and landing (it's a smaller airport), but it should still be cool. A colleague of mine said she would run it with me along with my running buddy who's doing the run on sunday with me so I'm looking forward to it. My Mother is also going to be doing the 1K walk.

Food wise it's been okay. I did have a treat night tonight though and ate a footlong veggie sub, with light mayo and cheese at Subway. I also had two cookies and a lemonade. I'm not too worried. I usually eat a little more than usual after WI and I'm fine on the scale next week. One thing I'm not too happy about is my lack of veggies and fruits on the whole lately though. I've been a bit of a carb-o-holic simply because I had a grocery issue. In other words I had none. To fix that problem I went to the store and stocked up after my WW meeting and my stop at Subway. I now have bananas, apples, watermelon and cucumbers in my fridge along with peppers and onions and red potatoes etc..... I feel much better going forward. I do plan on making some new recipes that I found online, so stay tuned to learn how they turned out!

Iron Running

2010-09-29T22:21:00.004-04:00

Today was a good day. I got to sleep in, I did a little shopping and I bought went for a run.

Included in the things I bought while out, I bought one large cast iron skillet. It weighs about 100lbs!!!!! As the website "kitchen products" explains.....

One of the biggest issues (as a vegetarian) is having to take vitamins in order to compensate for the loss of iron that one would gain from eating beef. If you cook with cast iron cookware, however, then you’re luckier than most.

Studies have shown that the minerals from cast iron cookware attach themselves to food that is being prepared, thus putting an amount of iron that would not be present in vegetarian food. By purchasing cast iron cookware, you could have some of the same health benefits as a non-vegetarian, as well as having really great, long-lasting pots and pans.

I ended up buying one because a) I've been thinking about it for awhile now as my iron levels aren't the greatest, and b) I found one that was dirt cheap! I ended up buying an Emeril Lagasse cast iron skillet. It was the only one of it's size there, and because it wasn't 'perfect' so was marked half off! Score!!!!!

After I came home I changed and then headed out again to meet my friend for our long run together. She wanted to run the route of our 5K this coming sunday, so I decided to do it with her. We ran the 5K doing our 10s and 1s and finished just over 40min. We're slow, but mighty! We both found it to be a tough route with lots of stupid hills, but now going forward we know we can do it. We know we can finish and we're both looking forward to Sunday!! :-)

Pics

2010-09-28T23:13:00.000-04:00

Not much to report today folks. I volunteered in the morning, took it easy in the afternoon and went to a movie this evening.

I then came home and updated my tool bar on this blog. Have a look if you want. I added a new tab for "RACE PICTURES" and I updated my "PROGRESS PICTURES".

Better

2010-09-27T22:47:00.003-04:00

Okay....so perhaps I over reacted a little on the hip thing yesterday. Perhaps, I had a 'oh my god, I have a headache, it must be a tumor' moment. My hips are fine today. lol..... They feel much, much better. I did everything I said I was going to do, and it did help a lot. I should be good to go with my run with my friend on wednesday and then again on sunday when the real run happens. Fingers crossed.

Aside from the hip thing though I've been struggling a little with my emotions lately. I've been sad, happy, hurt, angry and excited all the in span of a couple days. It can be a bit exhausting. The 'issues' aren't huge and nothing too too concerning, but emotions are emotions no matter how big or small the issues are. The good news is (and the reason I'm telling you this) is that I didn't gravitate to food for comfort this time. I sat with my emotions and although upset and feeling like I needed a hard drink and a bucket of ice cream, I managed to talk myself through these feelings and move on. Sure some things still weigh on my heart, but I'm determined to not let a little disappointment from a friend cause me to derail my efforts to live my best life.

I think this is why I feel this journey to a better health (and an hourglass figure) just might be different for me this time. I know I've had a blog for years now and have come and gone from it as my weight has gone up and down, but this time things feel different. I have this determination I didn't have before, I have motivation I never had, and I have an attitude that is different. I wish I could explain it better, but I just know I can do it this time. I will reach my goal. I will get healthy. I promise!

I'll leave you with a picture that my Mother sent me tonight. It's the reason this run on sunday is so important to me. See the dog? See the lady behind (and just slightly to the right) of lady with the dog? That's my Mom!

Pain in the......HIP?

2010-09-26T22:37:00.003-04:00

Boy, do I have sore hips today.

No. Damn. Fun.

I did some reading on 'hip pain' after running, and of course they say it could be this or that, so who knows. I'm experiencing more than just sore muscles, I know this, but I'm no Doctor. I kind of suspect I have some fascia problem or something though. WONDERFUL! I had plantar fasciitis in the past, now why don't I mess up my hip fascia too?! ....ugh.....

My plan tonight is to down some ibuprofen for the possible inflammation and rub some deep cold on my hips and call it a night. I might use my foam roller in the morning if my hips aren't any better. Deep massage is said to be helpful. Hell, maybe I'll do that before I put the rub on tonight! Fingers crossed these remedies help. I'm planning on going for a run with my friend on wednesday and then the race is on sunday. I can't have sore freak'in hips people. I need to be in top form. Not hip replacement form! Any tips from fellow runners out there? I have apparently have not learned the secret of how to avoid hip pain post runs yet (or at least learned anything beyond a pre workout 10min stretch!).

Other than my hip issue (that makes me feel like an 80 year old), it was a pretty quiet day even though it was a work day for me. I managed once again to stay within my points determined as ever not to let my french fry mishap screw me over on the scale. I'm tempted to take a peek at my own scale tomorrow to see what progress I've made, but I'm scared. We'll see. I'll let ya know ;-)

Good Day for this gal!

2010-09-25T23:30:00.003-04:00

One week until my next 5K run! Woooohooooo!!!!!

I went out tonight and ran for thirty minutes. This has been my longest run I've done in awhile. The best part is the run felt great! I did 10s and 1s (10min runs with 1min walks in between) and made it through without any issues. My pace was even pretty awesome too. Okay well, maybe awesome is overkill. I'm no speedy ganzales by any means, but I am definitely faster than fifteen pounds ago!

Today I was on point as well. Thirty points bang on. Nothing less, nothing more. You want to know why this was so important?

I had flipping french fries yesterday....but wait.....let me explain!!!!!

Yesterday I went and volunteered. I usually clean out some stalls (I volunteer at a horse stable for those who don't already know), but this time I did that, but also helped hull a crap load of stuff from a horse trailer to a barn where they were setting up for a horse show. I wasn't expecting to do the ladder. It was totally unexpected. I usually am there from about 9-11am. Yesterday I was there from 9-4pm.

I ate a bowl of instant oatmeal with some almond milk for 3 points before I went there at 8:30am.

By noon I was hungry.

By 3:30pm I was freak'in starving.

So when the women I volunteered for wanted french fries from a chip truck herself and wanted to treat me for helping her and her son out, I was in no mood to say no. I just wanted some food. Sue me. Shit happens!

Obviously the chips did not derail me and that is a good thing! Months ago, it might have, but today I was even more determined to stay on point and kick some ass and I did! Oh yes, I rock ;-)

You want to know who else rocks? Becky Johns that's who! Why? Well, because this gal gave me a

blog award that's why! I've been awarded the Substance Award. I'm truly flattered that someone out there thinks my blog has substance. Yay!!!! Thanks Becky!!!!

The task at hand now is to describe the philosophy, motivation and experience behind my blog. Only FIVE WORDS? Bloody hell! Oh wait, that's only two! How about this.....

HARD WORK DOES PAY OFF!

Really I just see my blogging as an online diary. I'm not looking for a lot of readers and I'm not into contests. I always had a diary growing up and for me this is just the 21st century version of the same. It still blows my mind that people care enough to read what's going on in my life and comment on it. I truly do love the blogging community and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love and support!

Next I'm suppose to pass this award on to ten other blogs (only 10?) that also have substance. Here goes nothing. It's time to spread some love.

In no particular order.....

Laura gets Fit

Mousearoo's Mumblings

Confessions of a + Sized Girl

H-Woman's Random Ramblings

These blogs (among others) I love to read. If you haven't found out about them on your own yet, I recommend stopping by them for some inspiration!

WI Results - Down 0.4lbs

2010-09-23T22:16:00.000-04:00

It was a rough rest of the week. I'm not going to lie. I actually went over my points. I just couldn't get satisfied EVER. I'm hoping this is behind me as I go forward.

Thankfully I was able to pull off another loss. A small one, but I'll take it! I really thought I was going to gain. Starting tomorrow I'm going to buckle down and see if can lose more than 1.6 pounds so I can say good-bye to the 230s. I know it's not going to be easy, but I'm really going to try. I just need to stay focused on the goal at hand and fight for it hard!

I'm so hungry I could eat a.....

2010-09-19T23:49:00.002-04:00

......House. Remember folks, I'm a vegetarian! ;-)

I ate 54 points today.

My daily limit is 30.

That's 24 points over!

WOW

Luckily I had flex points (sorry non-WW peeps...I don't mean to leave you clueless) so haven't gone over, but what the hell? I was soooo hungry all the time today. I'd eat, and then two seconds later I'd be hungry again. I just could never get in the "feeling satisfied" zone.

I have an idea of why I'm so hungry, but we'll see..... Regardless, these hunger issues are a pain in the flipping arse! Now I only have 4 'extra points' left until Thursday. Don't worry, I can do math, I just ate a couple extra points prior to this crazy food day!

Cross you're fingers I don't feel this way tomorrow, or ladies and gents I'm going to be royally screwed!

The good news is I went out for a run with my running buddy again tonight. I at least got 4 activity points for doing that. Heck....I might need them!

Yum!

2010-09-18T04:18:00.001-04:00

I made one of my favourite dishes today. Today being last night for the rest of you. Yes, I'm still working my crazy stretch of night shifts and writing this at 4:00am. What can I say...it's been a slow night here.
Today I decided to make Shepard's Pie. I've actually talked about this recipe before here. It actually might have been the last time I made it too. Why? I have no clue, it's so freak'in yummy!

The recipe is originally not for vegetarians. Hello, it's shepard's pie, but I use Yves Veggie Ground Round (awesome stuff) as my ground beef. Tonight, I decided to add onions and fresh mushrooms to my 'meat' along with the green beans and corn I usually add in. I have to say the additions were fantastic! Of course I use low fat cream of mushroom soup and cheese and I added in some garlic powder just because. I truly loved it and the best part, when I put the ingredients into my WW recipe builder to calculate how many points it was it turns out to be only 5 points per serving (six servings total). Not too shabby I'd say!

In other news, I'm coming up to doing a run that is very important to me. Last year I watched from the sidelines and wished I could do it, but couldn't. This year I can and I am! On October 3rd, I'll be participating in the 5K CIBC Run for the Cure. Who am I running for? My Mom!!! :-)

Thursday WI - Down 2.0 lbs!

2010-09-16T21:29:00.000-04:00

Great news! I'm down another two pounds!!!! I've officially lost all the weight I gained during my two week binge. Thankfully it only took me another two weeks to drop the weight again. Thank. You. Jesus!

In three months (minus a day) I've lost 15.4 pounds. I know if I didn't have those bumps along the way I could have lost more, but lets not focus on the negative people. That doesn't get ya anywhere. I'm just happy I lost weight, and 15.4lbs is nothing to be unhappy about! I've lost just under one quarter of the weight I need to lose. That's awesome in my opinion.

Six Months of Veggies!

2010-09-15T21:17:00.000-04:00

Six months ago today animals thanked me everywhere.

Today I celebrate six months of vegetarianism! Can you believe it? Six months!

Happy Veggie-Head Anniversary to me!

I love my new lifestyle and don't plan to give it up anytime soon! :-)

American Eagle, I love you!

2010-09-14T23:37:00.006-04:00

I looked in my closet, took out a t-shirt, and knew it wouldn't fit. It was an XL. An American Eagle XL. I haven't worn a XL from a "regular store" in a very long time, or any store for that matter.

As I started to put it on I noticed the shirt had a bit more stretch then I thought it would. Could it possibly fit? Remember, this is a shirt from a store I'm not allowed (or so I feel sometimes) to shop in. It's a store I can't shop in. I'm fat remember? I'm too fat for their clothes. There's no way this shirt can fit.....or is there?

There is! It fit!!!!! I am wearing a American Eagle T-shirt. WOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!! Crazy. Ass. Shit.

The t-shirt I got for free about a month ago from American Eagle when I bought my baby cousin her size 4 jeans. Yeah, exactly what I thought.....bitch! lol.... The free t-shirt went with a promotion they had on at the time. I was happy to get a free t-shirt, but at the same time, sad because I knew it wouldn't fit. I didn't even try it on. I didn't want to be disappointed. Today though I thought, what the hell, my other t-shirt fit, so lets just see if this one does too. I truly thought I was going to get one arm and maybe a boob in this t-shirt and that's about it, but to my delight it fits and even more delightful, it fits comfortably! I can't believe it. It's been far too long since I've shopped at non-plus sized stores. If this is any indication as to what is to come, I just might not be able to take it!! Me So Happy!

Cooking in the Kitchen

2010-09-13T17:48:00.001-04:00

I haven't slept yet, but I'm doing okay. The key is to just keep moving! This afternoon I ended up making Pumpkin Spice Scones that were featured on Lynn's Blog The Next Chapter and (like I said I was going to) I made Mama Mia Vegetable Pie. It ended up taking me longer to make these recipes, hence the no sleep thing *sigh*, but it was worth it!

The first batch of pumpkin spice scones I made I forgot to add the almond breeze. Oops! They didn't turn out too bad though. The second batch I ran out of wheat flour so they were a bit more wet than I'm assuming they should be, but they also turned out okay too. Oh yeah, just call me Master Chef! I have enough spice scones to last me until next year now! I'm thinking of freezing some.

Luckily I made the veggie pie without any mishaps. It was super easy to make, tastes great, and is low in points. What more could a girl ask for? It's definitely something I'll be making again. Servings = 6 pie shape slices.

Veggies, Sauce and Tofu

Whole Wheat Pasta in a Pie Dish!

Pasta, Veggie Mixture topped with Cheese! (pre-oven!)

Now does that look like a WW dish? I don't think so, but it is!!!!!

Hooray for Tape Measures!

2010-09-13T11:25:00.006-04:00

(Sorry about the font size at the start of this post, I've tried to fix it, but Blogger is giving me issues).

It's almost 11am and I'm awake. This is not a good thing when you have to work nights tonight. Here's hoping I can nap this afternoon. If not, I'm in for a LONG night. Not only will staying awake be more difficult, but also eating will be. Points sure do disappear quickly when you're awake for so long.

My first meal for today I haven't ate yet. I'm not super duper hungry so I'm waiting until I am. Of course I plan to eat before I'm famished. That would lead to disaster!!! I think I'll make myself another vegetarian style 'bacon' and cheese McMuffin. They are so freak'n yummy! I just found out Yves brand has 'meatless canadian bacon' as well for only 80cals. I just might have to pick some of that up next time I'm at the grocery store. Here's hoping they have it! Until then I plan to continue to use the strips.

Instead of running down the stairs to the kitchen first thing this morning, I stayed in my room and decided to measure myself. Who knew a measuring tape could make a girl so happy!

Start Measurements (taken June 20, 2010)

Bust - 45"
Chest - 43"
Waist - 46"
Hips - 48.5"
Thigh - 25"
Calves - 17"
Upper Arm - 15"
Forearm - 12"

Measurements on September 13, 2010

Bust - 43.5" = lost 1.5"
Chest (just below the breast) - 40" = lost 3"??
Chest (above the breast) - 43" = lost 0"
Waist - 43.5" = lost 2.5"
Hips - 45.5" = lost 3"
Thigh - 23.5" = lost 1.5"
Calves - 16.5"= lost 0.5"
Upper Arm - 13.5" = lost 1.5"
Forearm - 10.5" = lost 1.5"
Neck (*new*) - 16"Combined inches lost (off my entire body) = 15" ???

I can't remember how I measured my chest (above or below the breast) so I did both this time. Regardless, I lost a lot of inches which is awesome to see. I lost 3" off my hips! YAHOO!!!!!! This is the first time in my dieting history, that I have ever measured myself with hopes to see a difference. I'm so glad I did this time.

I also took a sneak peek at the scale this morning, and although I was in my PJs (which I dare not wear to my meeting), it looks like I'm on target and will hopefully see another loss at the scale if I stay on target. I'm eager to get out of the 230s. I doubt it will happen this time around in all honesty, but hopefully by the end of the month I'll say good-bye to those numbers for good!

My run last night was a good one. I did feel a bit dizzy in the end. No more headache though!

NSV - got to love them!

2010-09-12T16:32:00.005-04:00

We all do it. We all keep clothing we once use to be able to fit into, but can't anymore. For me, I've kept a few pairs of pants and a few t-shirts. The favourites as we say. I coudn't fit into any of them until.....last night!!!! For kicks I thought I'd try on this 'baby doll' kind of shirt that I just love and couldn't give away when I was heavier. To my surprise it fit!!!! Wooohoooo, got to love it!!!!

About a month or two ago I tried this puppy on and it was skin tight around the mid-section. I still have more to lose to make it fit even better, but I'd say I don't look half bad! I definitely have more room in it, than I use to! :-) It's feels so great to get back into this shirt. It just confirms I'm taking steps in the right direction. Yay for non-scale victories.

Tonight I'm meeting my friend and we're going running again. This is a good thing considering I went to a party last night. I did pretty well food wise when there, but I had to guess on a couple things. As a result, getting in some extra exercise to counter balance everything is a must. The only thing is, I feel like ASS. I'm still catching up on my sleep that I missed last week. I'm still so tired and all I feel like doing is crawling into bed. I also have this pressure headache that doesn't seem to be going away. I'm taking my own advice though and sucking it up and will get my ass out there anyway. I know I'll feel better in the end. Fingers crossed!

I'll have a cup of......

2010-09-11T09:57:00.003-04:00

Whoever came up with these brilliant little rice cups that are microwavable and ready in just one minute, I say thank you! How fabulous are these? I took one to work yesterday and it was delish! I've never been a rice girl, but with the help of these little cups, I just might turn into one!

I'm always looking for new quick and easy food ideas that are simple to throw in my lunch box, so I was so happy when these little puppies caught my eye at the grocery store (boy, do I sound like an infomercial so far.). Last week I bought the long grain and wild rice with fine herbs (210cal/4gfat/1gfibre) and the whole grain brown rice cups (230cal/4gfat/3gfibre). They were the two which were lower in points when I did my WW calculation in the middle of the store. I often do this when finding new products that look like they might be healthy enough for me to eat. I'm sure I'm not alone! For the amount of rice you get in these cups, I was okay with the point value and decided to buy them. For more info on their nutritional value, click on the link above.

Yesterday I didn't end up posting as really it was a pretty boring day. I worked my shift came home and slept. Yup, that pretty much sums it up. I was damn tired. I was really hoping to sleep in today until about noon, but of course I woke up at around 8:00am. I guess that's 'sleeping in' a bit considering I usually get up for a day shift at 5:00am, but still.... eight, really? ugh.... I guess the upside is I have nothing on my agenda for today (until this evening) so I can vegetate in bed until that time if I want to. So far I have! ;-) Yay! I love days like this.

What a difference a week makes!

2010-09-09T21:07:00.039-04:00

Last week the scale was up seven pounds. This week it's down five!

......or so I thought. Look closely and do the math. Is the pounds lost right, or is my weight right?

My leader made a big deal (which was nice) when I lost the "5 pounds" at the meeting so this is is how I took it when I got home and noticed what happen.....

She got the 5 right, it was the weight that was wrong. ;-) LoL

Who really knows if I lost 4.6lbs or 5lbs this week. A part of me obviously does care what the number is due to the fact I wrote in big black pen over my weight and corrected it, but in the whole scheme of things, it doesn't matter. What matters is I lost weight which is a far cry from the crazy ass two week combined gain of last week. Notice I just had to tell you that, that gain was over a two week period. Yeah, like it's sooooo much better that I gained 7 pounds in two weeks rather than just one!

Things are improving again though and I'm feeling great. My other friend joined WW tonight and came to the meeting with me so I now have not only one buddy going to meetings with me, but rather two. It's great to have all this support around me. We'll keep each other in check and on target. It's going to be fantabulous!

Who knew I was so scary?!

2010-09-08T23:10:00.000-04:00

I did my first run in the dark tonight. I worked a 12 hour shift, came home, had some ipod syncing issues and didn't get out for my run until just after 9pm. It was dark. Blackness was everywhere (a true sign summer is over in my neck of the woods), but I put on a brave face and hit the road making sure I was under street lights the whole time.

I did enjoy the calm that comes with running at night. Most people are in their houses, there is less cars on the road and it's a peaceful kind of quiet. I have to admit though that as I ran under one street light my shadow scared the hell out of me. haha...oops! This was only because the entire time I feared someone jumping out of no where and attacking me. ...ugh..... Needless to say I survived though, and I did enjoy the run.

When I came home from work (and before I went running), I was excited to see that I finally received an issue of the new veggie magazine called "Vegetarian Times" I ordered awhile ago. I was beginning to wonder when it was coming. I'm still to this day waiting for my WW one. Fingers crossed it also arrives soon! Anyway, I haven't had a chance to look at what's inside of my cool new magazine yet, but I'll be sure to inform you of anything super cool or interesting! I have to say it's not as thick as I was expecting it to be, but it's also not 4 pages if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I've had a very long day and not a lot of sleep in the last couple of nights so I shall sign off for now. This girl needs her beauty rest.....mind you at this point I'd be happy with some ugly rest!

One last thing though.... I always am very grateful for the comments each and everyone of you write on my blog. I know I don't say it often enough, but your words of encouragement and support I truly appreciate. Today I received a very touching anonymous comment from a reader. To you I say thank you. Thank you for taking the extra time to write me a note. A note that made me smile. A note that reminds me that I am not alone, so once again, thank you!

Back in Control

2010-09-07T21:06:00.001-04:00

The run last night was wonderful. I actually had a moment where I thought..."ahhhh, I've missed this". I know, I surprised myself considering the complaining I do about it on a regular basis. The weather was awesome, the route was great and we ran for 24 minutes. Not too long, not too short, but just right. It was great to run with a friend who's also learning to run because we found that we're both at the exact same pace. So when we say we're going to run together we actually mean it. When I have run with my bff before, well.....we start out running together and then she leaves my slow ass in the dust and sits on a bench waiting for me to finish. It's still nice to get out there with her, but obviously I prefer to run beside someone rather than behind them.

Today I did well with my food and have stayed on program all week. It's great to feel in control again and focused. I was out of sorts for the month of August and I hated it. I felt like crap most days, my belly was beginning to bother me again, and I was tired all the time. I was also pretty stressed out which never makes a girl feel fabulous. I'm actually excited to find out how much I've lost on thursday. I'm hoping for good results. Fingers crossed!

Anyway, I found this WW veggie dish I'm going to try to make this week. I thought I'd share the link with you. It looks like an interesting concept. Have any of you tried anything like this before? It's called Mama Mia vegetable pie.

Happy Labour Day!

2010-09-06T16:56:00.001-04:00

I've had the week off and it's been wonderful. I was able to check off many item on my 'to do' list, and still have down time. Almost too much down time. Today I'm bored. Bored out of my bloody skull really. My friends are busy with their own lives and I'm trying to stay busy in mine, but it's hard. I've done everything or at least most things already! So today, I returned some movies, mailed a letter, emptied the dishwasher and did some reading. This girl is STILL trying to get through that ~~wonderful~~ vampire novel Eclipse! The first book I read in about 3 days if even that, the 2nd and 3rd book...ugh... I just can't get into it, but I've bought the series and I'm committed to reading it so I push on. Personally I think Edward is a little too damn controlling at the moment!

Right now I'm watching an episode of Sue Thomas - FBEye (which I have to say I enjoy) along with updating my blog. Yay! Later I am going for a run. Yup, I said it. A RUN!!!! This girl is about to move her ass everyone! A friend (who will be home by then) and I are running tonight at 7:30pm. I'm looking forward to it and not, all at the same time. I say this because I haven't run in awhile, but hey....at least it's not humid out today! The weather is actually pretty perfect for a run.

One thing I forgot to share is that I got back on the saddle again on friday. Literally! After 16 years I had a surprise horse backing riding lesson where I volunteer. Just out of the blue after I was finished cleaning stalls, I was asked if I wanted to ride. So I did!!!! It was fantastic! I miss it so much and really want to get back at it more. Fingers crossed I can make that happen soon. The backs of my thighs are really sore now, so here's hoping that doesn't affect my run tonight. I need to do some mega stretching!

Today, I didn't cook really (more of a reheat day of left overs) but I will share a new product I picked up at the grocery store and tried already. Yet again, Yves brand does not disappoint. Even non-vegetarians would like their products I swear! I picked up their veggie bacon strips the last time I was at the grocery store. This morning I made my version of an Egg and Bacon McMuffin. It was to die for. The best part is these little bacon strips are only 25cals each, which means I can have two for a point! Woohooo! I remember trying turkey and chicken bacon when I ate meat and was on WW before. I have to say I like these veggie bacons strips better! Yves doesn't pay me to say this...but I will anyway. Check them out!

When I fall, I sure make a bang!

2010-09-05T17:33:00.001-04:00

I've been away. I've been away and haven't been good at all. Being away is NOT good for me. After the whole car thing, I found it really hard to get back on track. I really struggled, I didn't read any blogs, I didn't update mine, I skipped a WW meeting, and this led me to crash and burn!

I've gained 7 pounds in 2 weeks. SEVEN FREAK'IN POUNDS PEOPLE!!!!!

UGH.......

That is the bad news.

The good news is that I am on day three of counting my points. I even made two recipes yesterday out of my Good Housekeeping Family Vegetarian Cook Book (which I would share, but don't want to be sued for copyright infringement). I feel like finally I'm back on track. I'm not giving up, and still have goals I want to reach. No matter how many times I fall off this damn wobbly wagon, I will get back on it each time, so help me god!

I think this fall is going to be a good one. The weather is cooler which means I will be able to run when I want to, and my work schedule is changing to a much more desirable one at the beginning of October. I'm very pleased about this. Two of my friends are also starting to come to my WW meeting with me on thursdays. I think the added support can only be beneficial.

So here's to losing those seven damn pounds as fast as I can along with about 60 more! ;-)