I feel like I'm at this interesting place in my life right now. After thinking and feeling so many emotions about one person for awhile now, I finally said good-bye, and I couldn't be more content with my decision. I had to. It was necessary --- for my own sanity. It's funny in this new social networking age that saying good-bye includes deleting ones profile from FB. As if writing a good-bye note, deleting phone numbers and e-mail addresses were not enough.
Since saying ta-ta (although the 'too nice' part of me did still say I'll be there if he truly needs me), I once again find myself pondering and self reflecting. Wondering why I feel the need to be nice to someone who so often disrespected and disappointed me. Reflecting on the reasons for my up and down emotions about a person I'm not entirely sure I truly 'liked' completely in the first place, but loved in a strange way at the same time.
It's weird really how you can be upset about being upset! Do I really care that much? Surprise! I guess I do.
Nonetheless, I know saying bye was the right decision for me. I want more from life. Stronger ties and stronger bonds along with an inner peace that I haven't felt in awhile.
Finally I feel as if a weight has been lifted (too bad it isn't an 85lb weight!). Yes, at times I am sad that he couldn't be what I wanted him to be or I couldn't be what he wanted (although I tried), but it is what it is. Such is life. I am allowing myself to feel so I don't end up hugging anymore empty ice cream containers (I've done that far too often in the past) , but as I feel I continue to be happy with my decision to move onward and upward and never look back. As my hot doctor friend reminded me recently.... we don't have eyes in the back of our head for a reason! So here's to moving on with life. Here's to continuing to find peace as I once again begin to focus on the most important person in my life -- myself and not on people who only deplete you of energy, hope or respect for yourself.